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Tit for Tat: Satan Hits Back at Allah's Stone-Throwing Hajj Pilgrims at Mecca

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After bearing, in humble patience, 5000 years of abuse and stone-throwing by Allah's (God's) followers at the Hajj Pilgrimage, Satan finally says, 'Enough is Enough' and throws back the stones at the Hajj pilgrims at Mecca, causing considerable death and distress to the holy pilgrims, with Allah failing to save them. [Satire]


In Mecca, Saudi Arabia, some three million pilgrims performing Hajj in 2008 were so stunned when the Satan threw stones back at them!

The stoning of the Satan is one of an important series of Hajj rituals, which is performed during the annual Islamic pilgrimage to Kaaba in Mecca. The Hajj is the obligatory pilgrimage that is one of the five pillars of Islam. It is done during the last month of the lunar calendar, Zul-e-Hijjah. The Islamic Hajj is an obligation that every able-bodied Muslim, who can afford, is expected to perform at least once in their life. This ritual demonstrates the solidarity of global Muslim community, and their submission to the Allah, the Islamic God (ancient Moon God of the Arabs).

The Hajj is performed from the 8th to the 12th day of Dhul Hijjah, the 12th month of the Islamic lunar calendar. At present, this is approximately in November to January. In 2009, Dhul Hijjah begins on November 11.

Ramy al-Jamarat

The ritual of Ramy al-Jamarat occurs in Mina at Mecca. This ritual is known as the "Stoning of the Satan". The Hajjaj (pilgrims) throw stones at three different Hajj pillars that signify, according to Muslim beliefs, the three locations at which Hazrat Ibrahim (Prophet Abraham) rejected the challenge, thrown at him, by the tempting Satan. They must hit each pillar at least seven times with the stones/pebbles they have picked up in Muzdalifah. The stones must not be bigger than beans, because the larger stones signify exaggerations. The pilgrims call on Allah to acknowledge and accept their Hajj every time they throw stones/pebbles at one of these pillars.

Stone throwing rituals at Hajj pilgrimage
Muslim Hajj Pilgrims' stone-throwing rituals

The Hajj ritual was an ancient custom, predating the times of Prophet Muhammad (7th century C.E.), and a part of pre-Islamic pagan ritual at the Kaaba. The pilgrims used to join processions of tens of thousands of pagan people from around Arabia, who converge in Mecca in the week of Hajj, and performed a series of rituals, centered on Kaaba, then the most famous pagan Temple in Arabia. Each person would walk counter-clockwise seven times about the Kaaba, kiss the Ajwar-e-Aswad (the Black Stone), then run back and forth from the Zamzam Well near the Kaaba back, and forth between the hills of Al-Safa and Al-Marwah, then go to the plains of Mount Arafat to stand in vigil, then proceed to Muzdalifah to gather appropriate pebbles, which they would throw at a rock in Mina to perform the ritual of the Stoning the Satan. The pilgrims would then shave their heads, perform an animal sacrifice, and celebrate the three day global festival of Eid-ul-Adha.

The stoning of the Satan at the Hajj ritual, Muslims believe, relates to the time of Hazrat Ibrahim and Ishmael (actually Isaac). According to Biblical traditions, Abraham was ordered by god Yahweh to make a human sacrifice of his beloved young son, Isaac (Muslim claim it was Ishmael), as a sign of his great obedience to God. However, the Satan somehow appeared three times in between to disturb Abraham, attempting to dissuade him from disobeying God's orders to kill Isaac as a sacrifice unto god. Controversially, the archangel Gabriel (Yahweh’s favorite angel) was on the scene in a jiffy and told Abraham to "Pelt him" with certain kind of stones, so the Satan withdrew to Hell. Then, in return for Abraham’s obedience, Yahweh sent a Ram in place Isaac to be slaughtered as the sacrifice (offering).

Today millions of Muslim pilgrims now flock to Kaaba in Mecca, Saudi Arabia, to participate in this annual Islamic pilgrimage in solidarity to Abrahamic obedience commanded by Muhammad to Muslims as a Pillar of the Islamic faith.

Crowd-control techniques have become very critical. Owing to huge number numbers of pilgrims, many of the rituals have also become more stylized. It is not necessary to kiss the Black Stone (Hajar-e-Aswad), but merely to point at it on each circuit round the Kaaba (numbering 7 rounds). The throwing of pebbles at large pillars of stone depicting the Satan, which for safety reasons, was changed in 2004 to long walls with catch-basins below for collecting the casted stones, while reciting Islamic prayers. The slaughter of an animal, originally done personally, can now be done by appointing someone else to do it.

But even with these un-Islamic crowd-control techniques, there occur many accidents during the Hajj, as pilgrims are trampled in the crush, or ramps collapse under the weight of too many visitors, causing hundreds of deaths. The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia's Ministry of Hajj has a website, with the following message: "Be peaceful, orderly and kind. No crushing."

Pilgrims can also go to Mecca to perform the rituals at other times of the year. This is called the "lesser pilgrimage", or Umrah. However, even if the Muslims perform the Umrah, they are still obligated to perform the sacred Hajj at some other point in their lifetime.

During the Hajj pilgrimages at the Kaaba every year, we get to hear news of how so many Muslim devotees die in great numbers in stampedes in course of the rituals of Stoning the Satan at Mina. Last year, Ibrahim Baasim, a pilgrim from Qatar, was present at the three walls representing the Satan, when the incident happened, who said:

"I was there along with several thousand other pilgrims pelting the first wall with seven pebbles, as is our custom, and recalling my hatred for my own internal despot," explained Bassim. "Then all of a sudden, the wall started hurling the pebbles back at us! The air was thick with stones like a plague of locusts raining down on us. It really hurt us and the Pilgrims panicked and stampeded to get away."

A close examination of the wall, conducted by a commission of several Hajj organizers and top religious consultants, concluded that it was, indeed, the Satan throwing these stones back at the pilgrims!

According to a Hajj spokesperson, the Satan spoke to the group of pilgrims, identified himself, and explained his actions. The Satan said: "I'm sick and tired of being stoned ever since Angel Gabriel put that idea into Hazrat Ibrahim's head thousands of years ago back in the Book of Genesis of the Holy Bible," according to an anonymous source (well it is me!). "I think I've turned the other cheek just about enough, don't you?" the Satan said!

As to this unnamed source, the Satan defended Himself saying, “All he was trying to do was stop infanticide in the name of God’s whim. There weren't any Child Protection Services then or any anonymous call-in lines to report such parental abuse. What else could I do but try to stop it myself. Maybe Hazrat Ibrahim would have listened to me or even his wife Hagar, if the Angel Gabriel hadn't interfered in between".

When the Satan was asked by the Islamic holy men in the investigating commission, as to whether the Satan really had acted purely as a Good Samaritan or if self-interest was involved, the Satan replied: "What the hell are you talking about?"

"A child's life was imminently hanging in the balance. Does CPS query the motives of everyone trying to report serious potential child abuses before they are properly investigated? Get your priorities straight for the Satan's sake!"

The commission asked the Satan why he had waited what seemed like an eternity before he struck back at the Muslim pilgrims pelting him with stones. "Well, I don't have any bones, so sticks and stones can't really hurt me," explained the Satan, adding "But it was the name-calling that stuck in my craw!"

"As for the timing, well, I'll grant them this one point at least. Pop music made me do it. I was listening to pop music and got hooked on the 'Enough Is Enough (No More Tears)' duet from 1979 by Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand. After 20 years, I guess it finally got to me, eh!"

The Satan apparently said that he intends to throw these stones back at the pilgrims from now on at every future Hajj pilgrimages. "I'll be particularly aiming at any pilgrims named Gabriel," said the Satan, still intent on settling the old score.

As it turned out, Allah apparently was just testing Hazrat Ibrahim to make sure that he didn't listen to the advice of his wife or any other sane and sensible person, who tried to dissuade him from killing his son Ishmael. At the last moment, Hazrat Ibrahim was told to put down his knife and not slit his son's throat in a blood-sacrifice to Allah. According to an anonymous source, the Satan stated that he was certainly glad about that, but it left a lot to chance with too much Hollywood last minute heroics. "I don't care what they say about it; the end doesn't justify the means. This wasn't 'tough love' parenting, it was plain abuse"!

In addition to rocking the world around and three of its major Abrahamic religions, the stoning of the Satan by Muslim pilgrims at Mecca is having a ripple effect as well. Hazrat Ishmael has now claimed, from recovered memory of that sacrificial event, damages; his lawyers are suing God, Islam, Judaism, and Christianity, for the great emotional abuses as well as physical abuses of unnecessary circumcision and stoning of 5,000 years, and the sufferance of Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome (PSTD).

Hazrat Ishmael's solicitors have stated that it has now turned into a large “class action” suit with millions of Muslim plaintiffs joining in to give credence in the Holy Messenger’s messages and Allah’s Blessing in partaking in stoning the Satan at the Hajj pilgrimage.

"This should tie them up for years to come," said the Satan smugly. "After all, the Satan's in the detail. As Angel Gabriel should have thought of that and all the other consequences would arise when he said, “Pelt him."

It remains undecided whether the Hazrat Ishmael’s class action lawsuit will be heard in a Sharia’h court, where these cruel and barbaric punishments such as ‘stoning’ may be considered alongside more enlightened options.

The world awaits the outcome of the legendary lawsuit in human history!

Comments (39)Add Comment
What makes Allah laugh??
written by duh_swami , November 28, 2009
I'm sure Allah was chuckling when he read the article...The only time Allah laughs out loud is when Muslims throw rocks at Satan...Now that Satan is throwing them back, Allah is starting to grin...There's nothing he likes better than a good rock fight...
Brilliant article...
written by ex-Muslim , November 28, 2009
I have always thought that the Satan is a saner entity than God. Just read the Abrahamic scriptures; how much barbarism has God ordered or approved?

Against God's barbarism, Satan stands totally innocent. Still, Satan is being reviled even by the believers of our civilized world, simply because of His/Her refusing to accept the tyranny of God without critical thinking, refusing to accept God's tyrannical style of ruling.

Brokaan article in very creative and overdue due by ages...
written by David , November 28, 2009
"After 20 years, I guess it finally got to me, eh!"

Satan is a Canadian? that is so wrong...

what a stupid ritual. and, underlying result of this hajj- saudi arabia charges for people to come there to perform the hajj- earning Saudi a ton of revenue.

"Beware the prophet making profit."
Satan is a Canadian? that is so wrong...
written by duh_swami , November 29, 2009
I always thought that Satan was a used car dealer, until I read about Allah...
Now I'm not so sure...
written by Aziz Tayyab , November 29, 2009
hajj and umra i.e. visiting kaaba/mecca has been the source of income for meccans in particular
and arabia in general; this is simply tourism business cloaked in holiness when in reality there is
nothing holy about it.
and no, the satan is not canadian; both the satan and the allah are both arabs and all non-arabs
are just suckers who got sucked into the arab supremacist ideology called islam.
ibrahim would be in jail for attempted murder if he tries to do it nowadays.
written by David , November 29, 2009
swami, i almost pissed myself when i read your post! a used car dealer? hah! awesome!

so then... don't you love how muhammad hijacked judaism for islam? what a tool he was. he couldn't come up with his own stuff- he had to steal from judaism, christianity, and pagan-arabic lore.

what a dork!
To Brokaan
written by Concerned guy , November 29, 2009
Ismael and Isaac were two different persons and not the same as you falsely believed. Ismael is the son of Abraham borne by Hagar, the Egyptian slave while Ismael was Abraham's son thru Sarah, the legal wife.
Hagar & Abraham
written by murtad , November 29, 2009
I wonder whether Muhammad got inspiration from Abraham as far as sex-slavery is concerned... The Prophets, it seems, have a special likings for sex-slavery...
seek the truth
written by truthseeker , November 29, 2009
i suggest that you check the credibility of your stories, you simply take the part that you like and never tell the complete story and that makes it lose alot of its meanings for example toching the black stone was never mandatory in hajj. i suggest you read the quran and hadith then you'll realise whats true from whats not.
abrahamic terrorism is very bad
written by HARKAT UL JIHAD EI KAFIROON , November 30, 2009

if today someone dreams and tried to kll his kids,he wud be in jail.

also abraham was a fraud.he dreams that jehova/allah asks him to
kill his kid,and then he cant bring himself to do it,so he makes up
a story that imaginary jehova/allah replaced it with a goat
or soemthing so bakri eid is celebrated by slitting throat of
goat etc.

why does an all knwoing god need to know if he follower will
pass in the test or fail ???

abraham married his own half sister sarah,and made her sleep
with pharoh,and so is a pimp.read bible.

he cant have kids with her,so gets a sex slave harag and then
he has incesteuos relation with sarah and has issac and has sex/rape
with hagar and has ismiel.

if anyone did crazy stuff like this today he wud be in a jail/mental

why do we even believe such fake and dangerous stories.

why do be lelieve such lies even today ??

throw bible/koran into garbage bin immediately.

there is no dogpig but allah and muhamed is his pet piispoopoo.

written by Haji Playboy , November 30, 2009
Saturday Night Live on NBC used to make fun of the Stoning the devil ritual on the fake news section in 1998. Norm McDonald says that little do the muslims know that the Devil (Satan) is performing the annual rituals of stomping them (muslims) to death.
guys read this..mastermind of terror attack spills venom
written by odiwala , November 30, 2009
Islam does not condone random blasts at public places, nor does it endorse the killing of innocent non-Muslims.

written by The Grand Kaffir of Infidelistan , November 30, 2009
Not random blasts? Only specifically targeted ones then?
written by vbv , November 30, 2009
Muslims in India pride themselves at their "one god" theology or monotheism are actually acknowledging more than one centres of power : Yahweh/Allah and Satan/Lucifer. Now who created whom is another dubious question. If Allah/Yahweh "created" Satan/Lucifer ,how come he has no power over his "creation" ? How come he uses his other "creation" ,namely humans , as tools or canon-fodder to wreak his "anger and vengeance". Certainly Satan seems to be a cool salesman attracting more adherents than this 'impotent god' who depends on humans tyo revile this Satan by doing such silly acts as stone throwing,hurling abuses ,etc.

What does all this expose to any rational human being? That this "god" and Satan are man-made chicanry to empower certain class of people investing unlimited power in them to rule over the masses by diktats of using the so-called "word of god" ,all bullshits concocted by the self-same pompous,conceited,wicked,power-hungry scoundrels whio are answerable to no one but themselves and their phoney "scriptures". Of all the 'religions' monotheism is the worst ,since it is despotic ,doesn't respect human rights,individual freedom and a malignant cancer to human society. It is indeed sad that inspite of all the advances in science and knowledge,there are billions of gullible idiots.
I'm more najis than you are...
written by duh_swami , November 30, 2009
From post above...Islam does not condone random blasts at public places, nor does it endorse the killing of innocent non-Muslims.

Yep...And while you write that denial, Islam continues to 'blast away at kufr' and kill 'innocent' non-Muslims'.

I guess you don't know that there is no such thing as an 'innocent kufr'...
All kufrs are guilty because they reject Allah. Kufrs are najis, the most vile of people...'They are the worst of creatures' Quran 98:6...
Only Muslims are 'innocent'...'And now you know, the rest of the story'...
Sex, lies, and black rocks...
written by duh_swami , November 30, 2009
From post above...touching the black stone was never mandatory in hajj...

Mohammad kissed the black stone. Umar who didn't see much point to it, did it because the boss did it. They kissed the stone ever since...But due to the huge number of hajjers, not everyone can touch or kiss it, so pointing to it as they pass has been substituted...The stone is a yoni symbol of fertility...Fertility and reproduction are symbols attached to the moon. It represents the 'female' aspect of Allah's creation as the minaret symbolizes the male aspect. The frame around the stone, is that of a yoni, it is a sex symbol, as are many other aspects of Islam...Among its many other charming attributes, Islam is a sex and/or violence cult...

Nice Article!
written by Anti Clot , November 30, 2009
It reveals that religion is only a projection of things people like to be told. That they (the arabs and the muslims) are the only chosen people and that they are right while the others are wrong. The german philosopher Feuerbach revealed that a bird capable to believe in religion would most likely believe that god is a bird too and speaks the same language and that all other animals are wrong. Religion is much like a modern politician who will always promise to you that you will reduce taxes and improve anything. But I think that islam improves nothing except for the rulers. This is my view.
written by Machmoed elchalid , December 01, 2009
If religions are true (Thora, bible and koran) than it's easy to see that this god isn't that clever. First in OT. Nooene can die for the sin of others. Satan is not an apart entity..it is Jahweh/Allah. Jahweh says: the bad and the good...it is I who ordained it. Koran: the bad and the good, both are from your lord Allah. So in fact it is Jahweh/Allah who wants satan to test us. Satan is abdallah (servant of Allah/jahweh). Seth=Jahweh=Allah=Satan.

In Judea they worshipped Seth and this God is Chaotic and this is the reason that the Thora, the bible and koran are chaotic. Seth was the opposit of enlightened thinking etc. Seth was centuries the God of Judea but in fact this was Satan. Even the egyptians know that Seth was the opposite of the good God as we believe today. There are many books/literature about this.
written by Machmoed elchalid , December 01, 2009
@duh swami

Mohammad kissed the black stone. Umar who didn't see much point to it, did it because the boss did it. They kissed the stone ever since.

It's even more worse: Herodotus wrote 800 before mohammed claimed to be a prophet (200 b.c.) about this arabic cult that there where 7 priests (only women) that had not much clothing and they had the head of ishtar/aphrodite on a pillar (black stone in kabah...it's still the same stone) and the priests walked 7 times around it (tawaaf) and after this they inteded to sacrafice an animal to this deity (just like they still do in hajj). That stone has broken for a long time. The balck stone has a history that is older than christianity.
written by lUCKYMAN , December 02, 2009
Walking around the temple (clock-wise in South anti-clock wise in the north India) is a very common practice in Hindu temple. The dress code in MECCA is still reflecting the dress code of south indian brahmin priests! Animal sacrifice is a hindu practice. Shaving the head while going to temple is
still a routine hindu practice. Drinking water from holy tank / well is a hindu tradition. Idols
(stone in Mecca may be a Shiva Linga (Hajr-aswad)) is the main attraction of hindu temples. And hindus are fond of building temples on / around the hills. Every one agrees it was a pagan
Saint Guru Nanak of Sikhism also once told the islamic scholars while he was in Mecca that this
Mecca was actually a Shiva temple when he went there about 500 years ago.
So, the Hindus should liberate Mecca from muslims before they construct RAM Temple in
Ayodhya, U.-P, in INDIA.
written by Machmoed elchalid , December 02, 2009
You will find a lot of comparisons with the scandinavian beliefs also, like walhalla, die in a battle etc. Egyptians also sacrificed a bloodoffer to SETH etc. There are a lot of scientists who believe that islam did not start in SA but likely in Seria, Irak, Iran or even India, but not in Arabia. So I geuss you're wright. They mixed the arab cult with the hindu cult and mixed this with abrahamic traditions i suppose. Where ever they might collected it, it's deffinately not God/Allah.
written by ZAYTOON , December 18, 2009
Enter token Muslim
written by Lol @ above , December 18, 2009
why do these threads ALWAYS have some Muslim, too awesome for proper grammar, and too cool for for normal type telling us to all die violently?
discount ugg
written by discount ugg , January 03, 2010

However, the idea of bringing in a general managerdiscount u*gand a director of sport was discussed at a meeting last Thursday by Club France - an organisation created as an advisory board by the FFF.
No Ramy required.
written by Reed Wilson , April 21, 2010
To Brookan. Ramy al-Jamarat is not a requirement of Hajj. The requirements of Hajj included in quran does not include this practice.
Satanism and its diverse faces
written by Judist , July 16, 2010
Islam is a litany of blunder. Millions were deceived by false prophet Mohammmad who is an agent of
Lucifer. Sorry to see millions were worshipping the black stone which has its origin
in Rome.
kaaba a hindu shivling
written by jstiiin , July 18, 2010
yes its true just go through the pages of bhavishyapurana ahindu religious book or search the net it will give all answers...but u know soming fuckers who use to fuck their sister and even daugther...will say thAT THESE PAGES ARE INTENTIONALLY ADDED BY THE BRITISHERS....oh my god they are deep suckers it clearly reveals that mohammed was an incarnation of a demon MAHAMAD...will take birth in KALYUG(the recent period according to hindu scriptures startingfrom 3302bc) will not be having any divine power but will be a master in creating ILLUSIONS he establish a demonaic religion on the basis of sword and masscare and rape(forcefull conversion to multiply population....blablablablanbla(FRIENDS I WANT TO APOLOGISE FOR USING ABUSIVE LANGUAGE AS I USED IT BECAUSE I COULDNT JUST CANNT STOP MY SELF AFTER READING THE ABUSIVE COMMENTS OF THE EAREST MUSLIM BROTHERS WHO STARTED ABUSING FIRST)
replica watches
written by sean.waches , September 09, 2010
I appreciate for your post! I hope you will keep it on. I also want to make friends with you and share my favorite replica watches to you. I am focus on you.replica chronoswiss watches
who are u 2 talk about the great islam
written by hana , November 14, 2010
plz once more donnot ever talk about islam while u knw nothing about it. that's first . second the culltured and well informed person only talks about anything after studying and reading and collecting credible informations about it so plz u knw nothing about islam all of u so plz go kill urselves coz u dnt deserve to live
Wake up!
written by Barry Obama , February 12, 2011
Subscribing to any organised religion is a form of mental illness. The only cure is to wake up!
written by bigfootthechipmunk , March 08, 2011
This reads like really bad fan fiction. o_0
Last time I follow a link I don't know. Not even a good laugh.
ya retarded bastards
written by bastards , May 22, 2011
whoever doesnt believe in islam and offends it will go to hell especially all you jews and christians since you always target the right religion. U jews and christians are just jealous of islam so just do everybody a favor and shut your funkin bithcin mouthe up!!!!...or Allah will have to deal with you

If you offend god youll regret it big time just like the person who burned up the kuran in front of a mosque

i hope all christians and jews go to hell for targeting islam

when ur in hell u'll see i was right

..and for the islam believers....GO ISLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!x1000
written by ISLAM BELIEVER , May 22, 2011
written by ISLAM BELIEVER , May 22, 2011
im with hana all the way
Satan & Evil ..
written by grizzly , July 26, 2011
This ritual of stone throwing effectively means that ...Satan and most evil Allah both are found in Sodi Barbaria (Saudi arabia) and the bigger evil always bullies smaller evil, in this case followers of big evil Allah bullying Satan. Or is so called Satan is really Satan ?
I am the law
written by Flawless , July 28, 2011
islam is totally fake religion, imitated christian bible( only added histories about their fake prophet and his friend and his next caliph ) and the only religion whose main prophet named moha mad is a killer and warhead ! islam is anti civilization, primitive and the follower of islam called moslem is two headed snake.
Herve Leger Strapless
written by Herve Leger Strapless , August 10, 2011
entanglements with their children walk Herve Leger Bandage out, and Cheng Haisheng live together already, he towering rage, resentment hearts, Herve Leger Bandage wanted revenge to vent their anger. According Herve Leger Dress to task force to Herve Leger Skirt po...
pretty funny but yall take it to far
written by Bob, actually a muslim dude , October 25, 2011
The article i have to admit is pretty funny but yall r takin it 2 far with these comments, just chill its just a joke, although i still do have to say astagferallah, so astagferallah
written by sss , January 13, 2012
Islam is the fake religion....The Islam is copied from Hinduism which treats Shiva as God.Actually Shiva is Satan....
The so called Mohammed destroys all idols except the Shiv Linga which is the black stone which Muslims kiss during haj..
The worstest religion on earth are Hinduism and Islam.....
Both prays to Shiva since the kabba was actually a Shiva temple before muhammed..
Both Hinduism and Islam should go from earth....
Only Christianity prevails....Believe in Jesus christ the greatest God on earth.....
Believe in Christianity。。。。。。

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