Islam Under Scrutiny by Ex-Muslims

Sex and Sexuality in Islam, Part 1

A word of caution: This article contains sexually explicit terms and coarse language that may offend many readers. The author will not take any responsibility in the event any reader may become upset reading this essay. My request to them: please do refrain from reading this essay if you are likely to be offended. You have been forewarned.


There is more to sex in Islam than meets the eye. Do you care to know that sex is the biggest taboo in Islam? It is a topic that is fraught with fear and seldom discussed by the followers of Islam, except when they are in trouble or when they go to a foreign/infidel country to 'enjoy' women there. Islam pretends as if sexual organs do not exist either in a male or in a female. A woman is covered from head to toe just to hide her 'awra,' which is the Islamic vocabulary for the part of body that arouses sexual desire in a man, or the 'shame' of her. Thus, sexual organs are shameful parts of a body! It is a great insult to a woman to depict her entire body as shameful. It is also a great insult to all men. Why? Because, this gives the impression that men are like beasts that are on the street, just on the lookout there for women to prowl on for sex. This is completely nonsense. While living in an infidel country, I have watched millions of kufur women dressed in very decent as well as not so decent dresses. However, never have I seen a single man jump on a woman in the street to copulate with her, despite her mode of dressing being aphrodisiac or in plain word 'sexy.' The Islamic concept of sex is based on Bedouin Arab culture, that is barbaric and uncivilized, to say the least, when compared to today's world. This is because sex is so a 'dirty' word and it is so 'severely' restricted in Islam that as a inquisitive person I became extremely interested in it and devoured any written material that dealt with sex in Islam. To my surprise, I found that so little information is available, although there are tons and tons of books on Tafseer, ahadith Sharia, fiqh and the list goes on for all other branches of Islamic studies. Therefore, I had to write from scratch without much help from Islamic/other sources. Another big surprise for me was that the restrictions on sex for men in Islam are just superficial. There are countless loopholes in Islamic rules, so much so that it is possible for a Muslim man, whether married or not, to have uninterruptible supply of sex if he so desires. But he must know the rules of the game very well, if not, then he may fall into a great torment. There are many secrets and untold provisions for sex in Islam that very few Mullahs will tell. 

How pleasant a quilt is in winter? Or a Chinese dish for the test buds? Good poems, songs, arts, or sculptures immensely please a cultured mind. d you notice that very rarely physical and mental pleasures meet in one single element? Sex, as the climax of this type, always has been one of the strongest driving forces of mankind, especially men. Handling of sex by a society reflects its level and maturity. At times Islamic aspect of human sexuality overlaps with" Status of Women," but the two are not the same. Compared to other social/religious systems of the world, Islam gives sex and sexual "purity" an extraordinary importance with inherent contradictions/conflicts so much so that we may safely say that Islam is over-obsessed, oversensitive and over-apprehensive about sex.   

This essay is an attempt to expose the hypocrisy, double standard, unfairness, absurdity and sheer irrationality of Islam when it comes to sex. It also examines the barbaric rules that Islam inflicts on innocent people for having a simple sexually satisfying relationship whether one is married or not that Islam unjustly and illogically construes as 'haram.' One must not forget however how crucial sex is in our life. In the first place, without sex, none of us will be in this world for sure. Darwinian evolution would have stopped eons ago! So think about it for a moment. 

Let us begin with the first principle of Islamic sex for men, that is:

Have virgins for fun and frolic 

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In Islam, keeping the virginity is the highest asset that a woman could possess. There is no crime/sin as despicable as that of losing the virginity before a woman is married. The thought of indulging in pre-marital sex by an adult woman is absolutely unthinkable in Islam (For men it is a different story altogether. As we shall see later, it is possible for an unmarried Muslim man to be engaged in sex with slave-girls/captive/infidel women but not with free Muslim women). Mind you, premarital sex is a serious crime that may involve severe punishment for the offender; one hundred Islamic lashing for the unmarried woman (or man) and stoning to death for the married woman (or man). This punishment is hudud, which means that there is no way the offender can escape the severity of this kind of barbaric torment. Once the punishment has been passed down, it must be carried out at any cost. So much for Islamic mercy and tolerance! If you thought that I am being too critical, then please be reminded that in Islam, homicide is not such a serious offence as sex is. That is to say, the punishment for a murder can be commuted to other sentence like Qias (retaliation) or Diya (blood money). Now contrast this if you will, with the laws for sexual offences. It looks like that taking a life is much simpler and easier than making love, especially for women, if we go by the Islamic rules. How barbaric and at the same time myopic view! 

Who do you think is the 'real' owner of our sexual organs, in particular the sexual organs of women? No, it is not we, the humankinds. It is Islam. Believe it or not, Islam owns the sexual organs of every Muslim man and woman in this universe, all of it, including even the pubic hairs that grow there! Here is what the ahadith say about how to manage a woman's pubic hair. 

Wife must shave pubic hair if husband returns home at night after a long journey...7.62.173 

Sahih Bukhari:Volume 7, Book 62, Number 173:

Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah:

The Prophet said, "If you enter (your town) at night (after coming from a journey), do not enter upon your family till the woman whose husband was absent (from the house) shaves her pubic hair and the woman with unkempt hair, combs her hair" Allah's Apostle further said, "(O Jabir!) Seek to have offspring, seek to have offspring!"

Five practices of fitra 1.Circumcision;   2. Shaving pubic region;   3. Clipping nails 4. Cutting mustache short;5. Removal of arm pit hair...7.72.777

Sahih Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 72, Number 777:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle said, "Five practices are characteristics of the Fitra: circumcision, shaving the pubic region, clipping the nails and cutting the moustaches short."  

One may wonder why Allah is so free to look into what a human possess between his/her two thighs. We always thought Allah has more important affairs to attend to!

If you ever thought that Allah gave you the sexual organ for your use as per your desire, then perish that thought. From birth to death, from adulthood to old age, from house to desert, every aspect of the use of your very own private part is controlled by innumerable, mindless, cruel and oftentimes utterly despicable Islamic rules as written in the Sharia, the so-called divine laws of Allah. One may legitimately ask why Sharia does not control the use of sexual organs of animals like cows, goats, horses, pigs, lions, tigers, birds, snakes, turtles and all other species that engage in copulation for fun and/or reproduction. It looks as if the animals have much more freedom on sexual activities than the human beings the best creation of Allah! Please give a serious thought on this and you cannot but be amazed by the downright infringement by Islam on the very basic right of a human being which is his/her privacy. The extreme barbarism in Islam to control the innate, natural and instinctive sexual desire and its joy is particularly aimed at keeping the virginity of women intact at all cost even going to the extreme of execution of a woman who dare to express her sexual desire in an un-Islamic (read pre-marital or otherwise) way. 

One may wonder why Islam is so utterly obsessed with the virginity of women. I often thought about this after I came to the infidel land. In this land of 'sinners' and 'prostitutes' and 'sluts,' sex between consenting adults is not viewed as a crime, although application of physical force for carnal gratification may constitute a serious act of violence, which may carry prison sentence. In an Islamic paradise, on the other hand, sex between two opposite partners (or same sex partners) is absolutely haram whether consensual or not. More importantly, sexual gratification by a woman outside the bond of marriage is completely forbidden. Many Muslims who come to live in a western society will have great difficulty in understanding the values and ethos upon which their (the so called infidel west) concept of sexuality of men and women are based upon. To these Muslim men, most women who indulge in sex before their marriage are prostitutes, harlots, and whores and are available for an easy lay. That is why a lot of devout Muslim men have a hard time to have easy and professional relations with the western/infidel women they meet. For a Muslim man, a non-virgin woman is totally unthinkable for his consideration of marriage. These infidel women are for having a good time and for 'one-night stand' only. According to Islam, an unmarried woman must keep her sexual and reproductive organ in complete lock under any and all circumstances till she gets married. I gave a deep pondering over this issue of blatant deprivation of sexual joy in the name of Allah and religion. Then, while examining the Sahi Bukhari and Sahi Muslim, the most authentic of all ahadith, I came across with the following gems of ahadith. I found the reason why Allah is so paranoid on keeping intact the virginity of women at all times before marriage. Let us read these ahadith

Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 16:

Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah:

While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 38, Number 504:

Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah:

I was accompanying the Prophet on a journey and was riding a slow camel that was lagging behind the others. [...] When we approached Medina, I started going (towards my house). The Prophet said, "Where are you going?" I said, "I have married a widow." He said, "Why have you not married a virgin to fondle with each other?"[...]

Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3459:

Jabir b. 'Abdullah (Allah be pleased with them) reported:

I married a woman, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to me: Have you married? I said: Yes. He said: Is it a virgin or a previously married one (widow or divorced)? I said: With a previously married one, whereupon he said: Where had you been (away) from the amusements of virgins? Shu'ba said: I made a mention of it to 'Amr b. Dinar and he said: I too heard from Jabir making mention of that (that Allah's Apostle) said: Why didn't you marry a girl, so that you might sport with her and she might sport with you?

Please read those three ahadith once again. What picture do we get of a husband who is gracious enough in marrying a widow? Now contrast this with the recommendation of Muhammad (pbuh), the Prophet of Islam. What picture do we get of a husband who is obsessed in marrying a virgin possibly a very young virgin for that matter? Yes, it is the picture of a husband who is a molester, a sexual molester per se, if we say it bluntly. Remember, this is the recommendation from the messenger of Allah, who, himself had only one virgin girl in his harem. He must have found it exceedingly fun to be married with a very young virgin girl. This kind of child/female/sexual molestation must have the seal of approval of Allah, the almighty. Can this pleasure of sexual molestation be the real reason for Allah's absolute obsession with the virginity of young women? Can it be that Allah, Himself loves to fondle the virgins, since we read in the Quran that He has an abundant supply of virgin houris for His followers of Islam? Here are a few samples of verses from the holy Qur'an to demonstrate Allah's total fascination with the virginity of women.

044.051 As to the Righteous (they will be) in a position of Security,

044.052 Among Gardens and Springs;

044.053 Dressed in fine silk and in rich brocade, they will face each other;

044.054 So; and We shall join them to fair women with beautiful, big, and lustrous eyes.

055.056 In them will be (Maidens), chaste, restraining their glances, whom no man or Jinn before them has touched;-

055.057 Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?-

055.058 Like unto Rubies and coral.

055.072 Companions restrained (as to their glances), in (goodly) pavilions;-

055.073 Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?-

055.074 Whom no man or Jinn before them has touched;-

055.075 Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?-

056.035: We have created (their Companions) of special creation.

056.036 And made them virgin - pure (and undefiled), -

056.037 Beloved (by nature), equal in age,-

056.038 For the Companions of the Right Hand.

078.031 Verily for the Righteous there will be a fulfilment of (the heart's) desires;

078.032 Gardens enclosed, and grapevines;

078.033 And voluptuous women of equal age;

078.034 And a cup full (to the brim). 

Now you know why one must marry a virgin and a very young woman, for that matter. Yes, it is for fun and pleasure, similar to the enjoyment that Allah enjoys and has reserved for the 'true' believers in His paradise. 

One-night stand

Who needs sex in a hurry but does not want to go through the elaborate ritual of marriage and the payment of expensive dower? Of course, many people would love to have this kind of quickie sex without much obligations. No wonder that there are so many women engaged in the world's oldest profession just to meet this demand from depraved men. In modern parlance, we call it 'one-night' stand. Believe it or not, Islam has its equivalence too! 

The Islamic counterpart of one-night stand is known as the M'uta marriage. In this kind of contract marriage, a man simply contracts a woman to sleep with him for a brief period only. Although the Sunnis have banned the M'uta system, it is very much in practice among the Shiites. It is quite possible to have a M'uta marriage every night and kick the woman out next morning. There is no need of divorce in a M'uta marriage. This type of marriage is a contract to sleep together and that is all. Also, remember that though there is a restriction of up to four permanent wives at any time, there is no such restriction on the number of temporary wives that one can have at any given moment. In modern language, we call this 'one night stand'. M'uta marriage has absolutely no time limit either. So, "one-night's play" is perfectly Islamic. With M'uta system, it is possible to have unlimited, non-stop sex round the clock. It is stated that Imam Hasan, the grandson of Muhammad (pbuh) collected up to three hundred sex partners (the Islamic terminology is temporary wives) besides his regular wives, to have one-night stand with them. Imam Hasan was definitely an Islamic 'Playboy' of his time. No doubt about it! See, how clever of Islam to have solution even for the playboys of their Ummah. 

Here I am quoting from a Sahi hadis to show how one can have concubines for one-night stand.

Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3253:

Rabi' b. Sabra reported that his father went on an expedition with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) during the Victory of Mecca, and we stayed there for fifteen days (i. e. for thirteen full days and a day and a night), and Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) permitted us to contract temporary marriage with women. So I and another person of my tribe went out, and I was more handsome than he, whereas he was almost ugly. Each one of us had a cloaks, My cloak was worn out, whereas the cloak of my cousin was quite new. As we reached the lower or the upper side of Mecca, we came across a young woman like a young smart long-necked she-camel. We said: Is it possible that one of us may contract temporary marriage with you? She said: What will you give me as a dower? Each one of us spread his cloak. She began to cast a glance on both the persons. My companion also looked at her when she was casting a glance at her side and he said: This cloak of his is worn out, whereas my cloak is quite new. She, however, said twice or thrice: There is no harm in (accepting) this cloak (the old one). So I contracted temporary marriage with her, and I did not come out (of this) until Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) declared it forbidden.

Mu'tah means enjoyment---(ref.6, p. 424)

MU'TAH. Lit. "Usufruct, enjoyment." A marriage contracted for a limited period, for a certain sum of money. Such marriages are still legal amongst the Shi'ahs, and exist in Persia (Malcom's Persia vol.II.p. 591) to the present day, but they are said to be unlawful by the Sunnis. They were permitted by the Arabian Prophet at Autas, and are undoubtedly the greatest stain upon the moral legislation but the Sunnis say that he afterwards prohibited a mu'tah marriage at Khaibar (Vide Mishkat, book xii. Ch iv. Pt2.). 

Sexual perversion/fetish

What should you do when you see a sexy, voluptuous woman with her pulchritudinous figure and your sexual desire is aroused intensely? The Islamic solution is to hurry home to your wife and have intercourse with her immediately. In these days of easy availability of pornographic/adult materials and fetish objects, I wonder how many times one may have to run to one's wife/s after watching a 'stag film' or reading a 'smut' magazine. Here is the hadis that tells us the story. 

Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3240:

Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart.

Oh, those obligatory Ghusls

If a man is so much obsessed with the desire of sexual gratification, then he must clean himself by bath, the Islamic method of cleaning oneself after sexual defilement. Imagine how many times you may have to do that if you are influenced by fetish and hurry to your wife/s to have the 'circumcised parts' touch each other?Here is the Islamic rule on cleansing oneself after a sexual union.

Sahih Muslim Book 3, Number 0684:

Abu Musa reported:

There cropped up a difference of opinion between a group of Muhajirs (Emigrants and a group of Ansar (Helpers) (and the point of dispute was) that the Ansar said: The bath (because of sexual intercourse) becomes obligatory only-when the semen spurts out or ejaculates. But the Muhajirs said: When a man has sexual intercourse (with the woman), a bath becomes obligatory (no matter whether or not there is seminal emission or ejaculation). Abu Musa said: Well, I satisfy you on this (issue). He (Abu Musa, the narrator) said: I got up (and went) to 'A'isha and sought her permission and it was granted, and I said to her: 0 Mother, or Mother of the Faithful, I want to ask you about a matter on which I feel shy. She said : Don't feel shy of asking me about a thing which you can ask your mother, who gave you birth, for I am too your mother. Upon this I said: What makes a bath obligatory for a person ? She replied: You have come across one well informed! The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: When anyone sits amidst four parts (of the woman) and the circumcised parts touch each other a bath becomes obligatory.

When he reaches the climax but she doesn't (or vice versa)

Here is the Islamic solution for unfulfilled or incomplete sexual pleasure. Please amuse yourself reading these two ahadith if you have experienced this bedroom problem.

Sahih Muslim Book 3, Number 0677:

Ubayy Ibn Ka'b reported:

I asked the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) about a man who has sexual intercourse with his wife, but leaves her before orgasm. Upon this he (the Holy Prophet) said: He should wash the secretion of his wife, and then perform ablution and offer prayer.

Sahih Muslim Book 3, Number 0680:

Zaid b. Khalid al-Jubani reported that he askad Uthman b. 'Affan:

What is your opinion about the man who has sexual intercourse with his wife, but does not experience orgasm? Uthman said: He should perform ablution as he does for prayer, and wash his organ. 'Uthman also said : I have heard it from the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him). 

Abul Kasem is an Bengali ex-Muslim and academic. He has contributed in Leaving Islam - Apostates Speak Out and Beyond Jihad - Critical Voices from Inside and Why We Left Islam.. He has also written extensively on Islam in various websites and is the author of five e-Books: A Complete Guide to Allah, Root of Terrorism ala Islamic Style, Sex and Sexuality in Islam, Who Authored the Quran? and Women in Islam. Mr. Kasem leaves in Sydney, Australia. He can be contacted at

by Mark on 01 August

I just finished reading "Sex and Sexuality in Islam". I found it very telling and informative. The article makes so much sense, I couldn't believe that virtually all the comments were disparaging ones (albeit very poorly written and supported comments). While I dont believe that life in Islam follows the fundamentalist teachings to a tee, the roots are very deep and it is clear from daily observations that modern Islamic culture still very much follows the ideals of Muslim male supremacy as laid out in core Islamic literature. That is to say, they believe that Muslims are the supreme beings in the world, and that Muslim men are the supreme beings in Muslim society. Basically the rules of Islam are meant to clarify and reinforce that the Muslim man is allowed to do almost anything he wants within his own society, and surely anything he wants outside of it. It caters to and encourages the most perverse imaginings of the human/animal mind and its worst greed.

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