I was born to a
very pious Catholic family in Berlin . Nothing presaged that I
would become a Muslim one day. On the contrary, everyone expected
me to be a faithful Catholic throughout my life and pass down
my faith to my children.
However, I had a very rebellious character
and, like many adolescents, abominated everything my parents liked.
I set a goal for myself to find a liberating religion different
from that of my parents. I was convinced that nothing could be
worse than Christianity with its oppressive teachings on women.
The religious atmosphere in my family was
getting on my nerves. I was having heated arguments with my parents
all the time because of my disagreement with some Christian teachings.
They pressed me to be a better Christian; I rebelled and did the
Soon after my graduation from university,
I met a young Muslim man of Turkish origin. We fell in love and
soon got married. He was not a religious fanatic - he was absolutely
secular, although he did observe some Islamic obligations (he
fasted and prayed). He didn't ask me to convert to his religion
but he made it clear that he would like his children to be Muslims.
I myself took great interest in his religion and customs. I expressed
willingness to learn more about Islam.
He brought me some deceptive (as I know understand)
books about the glory of Islam and benefits of being a Muslim
woman. I read the books and grasped the "beauty" of
I was taught by my Christian parents that
a woman had to submit to her husband and thus find God. My Muslim
husband seemed to be so close to God without any help from priests
and I was told that I didn't have to get married and submit
to my husband to find peace of mind and faith in God. I looked
at my husband and blindly believed all those lies because he was
such a nice man who was the living example of a decent Muslim
man. When I prayed behind him, I felt I was getting closer to
God and Heaven.
Looking back on those days, I see that I was
just a stupid kid who drummed into herself that Islam was an ideal
religion for all humankind. Perhaps I simply wanted to vex my
pious parents whom I considered to be repressive monsters.
After I had converted, I was given some other
books that were not as wonderful as previous ones. I learnt that
I could be beaten by my husband, if he wasn't satisfied
with me. But in my addled mind I tried to find justifications
for that commandment. Moreover, I was sure that my husband was
incapable of hitting a woman.
I gave birth to our children who were sent
to a kind of a kindergarten for Muslim children. I kept on working
and didn't want to give up my job. My husband supported
me and told me that Islam actually encouraged women to work and
have their own lives. I can't understand how I could believe
such downright lies.
A few years later he decided to perform Hajj.
I was very excited and proud of him because, in fact, I was much
more religious than my secular husband.
When he came back, I couldn't recognize
him. His behaviour changed dramatically and he was not longer
secular. I didn't like wearing a veil and usually put it
on only when I went to mosque. Now my husband told me that I had
to wear a veil outside all the time. When I opened my mouth to
object to such horrible behaviour of his, he hit me on the face
and told me to shut up. I was forced to quit my job and become
He brought some books from Saudi Arabia which
"reformed" him and saved him from "perishing
in Hell". I read those books on Islam, real Islam that my
husband started to practice. Suddenly the scales fell from my
eyes and I realized that I had never been a Muslim. But it was
too late, as we were moving to Turkey . He feared that Germany
would have an adverse effect on our children's upbringing.
My life in rural Turkey , with his parents,
was a nightmare. I was no longer a liberated Muslimah, a wife
of a liberal Muslim; I was a real Muslimah, just a commodity of
I used to enjoy praying but now I started
to detest prayers led by my husband. I no longer felt close to
God. When I finished reading a real, not spurious, biography of
the prophet, I felt sick. I had been lied to all the time. How
could I believe that Muhammad was the prophet of God?
I wondered what had happened to my husband.
He told he had had conversations with fellow Muslims from "moral"
countries like Saudi Arabia and they had opened his eyes. I put
the blame for my husband's change of behaviour on them but
then it occurred to me that he had always been a Muslim, although
a secular one. What could I possibly expect from him? I had read
dozens articles about women married to Muslims and their hardship.
I had been warned by my best friends that I was playing with fire.
But my unreasonable hatred for Christianity, love for husband
and blatant lies deceived me and made me immune to reason and
After such a rude awakening to the horrors
of Islam and its treatment of women, I decided to review the Quran.
My first feeling was anger at my blindness to reality. It is apparent
from the Quran that men are given total control over women. "The
Holy book" abounds with discriminatory teachings on women,
which are quite obvious from the context of the book. Only a blind
woman in love like me could overlook them.
When my husband realized that I was no longer
a docile wife and a pious Muslimah, he became a real savage. He
showed his true colours and exclaimed that German whores could
never become modest women.
Even his ultra-conservative parents and friends
could not understand what had happened to my husband. Nobody expected
him to change so greatly. Occasionally he dropped some vague hints
from which followed that he had spoken to sheikhs, introduced
to him by his friends, who were well-informed about Islam. They
explained to him that the majority of Muslims didn't follow
the whole Islam; they just chose peaceful and beautiful parts
but forgot about violent ones. You have to love your wife but
remember to hit her from time to time or she will forget that
she is just a woman made for your enjoyment. You ought to treat
the infidels well, if it benefits you, but don't forget
that your main obligation is to overthrow their government and
impose the Shariah.
I couldn't believe that my humble hubby was
now a faithful Wahabbi. I hoped I was asleep but I was not.
I managed to run away and get to the German
embassy. My conversation with a female worker was another eye-opener
-- she asked me, "When will you learn to listen to the news,
stupid hens?" She meant that all women knew that dating
a Muslim, let alone marring to him was a dangerous affair, yet
we didn't pay attention to all the warnings. Why do we keep
on dating them?
Luckily, my children are with me, thanks to
good lawyers. I am working and enjoying my life. But it could
have been different. In that case, I could only blame myself for
The above story proves the point that the
so called moderate Muslims can become extremists overnight. As
long as one believes that Muhammad was a prophet of God, he is
at risk of becoming a terrorist in a heartbeat.
It is a mistake to separate Muslims into "moderate" Muslims and extremist Muslims. They are all
Muslims. All of them belong to the terrorist faith of Islam. Their
only difference is in the degree of their devotion. At any time,
a moderate Muslim can increase his faith and become a monster.
Islam must be denounced and banned.
permission from Faith