I am a former Muslim convert and very happy to find a site with
stories of those, who have lost their faith in Islam. I pretty
much thought I was the only western loser, who has tried to "seek
the truth" in other cultures.
wanted to send my story. It is a very pathetic one
come from a Scandinavian country and was born and babtised Christian.
As a rebellious teenager I separated from Church. I never truly
believed in Christianity. It seemed shallow -- rituals, a few
times a year and this notorious immoral western way of life for
the rest. I wanted to be truly spiritual, truly believe in something
and follow a righteous path. After reading a few years Islamic
propaganda I converted to Islam when I was little more than 20
years of age.
have always hated the lifestyle of western students and drinking
alcohol especially. So I felt at home with fellow Muslims, they
seemed nice and warm people, they gave me books that pretty much
told me that Islam respects women, even more than western culture,
is peaceful and perfect in every respect. I had some problems
with my parents about my new religion, they didn't like the fact
that I was wearing hijab and dressing in different gowns. I felt
extremely good thought. One year I was perfectly happy, reading
the Quran, hadiths, posing as a "modern" Muslim and
censuring my own writings (I'm an artist and writer and considered
some of my poems and stories too pagan for a good muslimah)
started the marriage business. I realized, that Muslim marriage
was not a romantic one, the mosque I attended tried to find me
a suitable husband, even for someone who could gain nationality
of my country through the marriage. I started to feel somewhat
used. I realized that I didn't like arranged marriages. I turned
to a Sufi sect that claimed that they were tolerant and modern
and wrote in their web pages beautiful poetry about love of God
and so forth.
should have red about dangerous cults before contacting them.
I deeply regret my actions of the following months.
doctrine of those Sufis was basically this: Their leader was some
sort of holy person, noble birth, mystical powers and everything.
To learn to love God was to love him. To worship God was to serve
him. I red a big deal about Sufis, so I thought that was all very
spiritual and wise. But what does loving the leader mean in the
real life? For a young woman? I was so naive that I still cannot
believe it all. They used all the classical mind-control tricks,
late hour meetings, non stop talking, strange staring, flattering,
and threatening with divine punishments. I was very close to become
part of the leader's harem. It took me awfully long time to understand
that my initiation really was to have sex with the leader.
I basically escaped. I cried for days, went to other country as
an exchange student to get away and cut all my ties with every
Muslim I knew.
the new country I did something I have never imagined I could
end up doing. I went to shower, washed myself and afterwards repeated
several times "I don't believe in God, I don't believe in
God..." It felt like I had escaped from prison. I had had
terrible nightmares about that cult leader, about hell. Now it
all ended. I cannot call myself atheist, so, after reading a lot
about philosophy and religions I became pantheist. I consider
it more as a philosophy than religion and nature is the only thing
I can worship and adore. Because of my experience I am truly afraid
of every organized religion and religious leaders especially.
2 years after all that horrible experience I am happier than ever.
I call my idiotic path as "unlightening" Some people
find a religion and say they see the light. I didn't see anything
but manipulation, falsehood, narcissism and downright abuse. So
I am happy and cynical and pessimist at the same time. I cannot
talk about this to anyone, I don't know what my parents would
do if they found out about the things that the cult leader tried
to do to me. Because I am adult I cannot say it was anyone else's
fault. I learned the lesson about Islam and cults in general the
hard way. Last year I was still afraid of that cult and that they
could harm me in some mysterious way. I cannot totally get rid
of my suspicious thinking and paranoia.
cannot imagine what could have happened, if I had married as the
mosque wanted and ended up as a Muslim wife. I have not heard
many stories similar to mine. A lot of western women convert,
marry and seem to be very happy afterwards. I am now single, pagan
and haunted with that mistake I made for the rest of my life.
I have only a few friends, because I alienated myself from my
fellow students. Somehow my hatred for religions is even growing.
I simply hate to read religious texts and especially watch religious
people talking on TV. I hate the way they smile that "I have
the truth" smile. I am a student of history and the more
I read about history the more I feel that religions have always
been in the way of freedom, peace and harmony amongst people.
I think that religion is only a personal matter and it should
never been used in politics or to control others in any way.
of all I feel like an idiotic three times turncoat. I don't
know if I can ever fully forgive myself. As I said, this is all
don't reveal my name in anywhere.)
Unelightned. Actually you have found enlightenment finally. We
all find it in different ways. You had to go through this experience
to find it.
me assure you there are no happy marriages with Muslims. If some
women pretend to be happy, that is all fac,ade. These women who
convert to Islam and marry Muslim men live in hell. They can't
tell you the truth and often they try to convince themselves that
this is life and they have to accept it. Most of these marriages
end in divorce. There was a man with whom I had a long debate.
I am not going to reveal his name here because he revealed his
real identity. He bragged how he respects his western wife and
how he believes in equality between men and women. This person
wanted to show me that there is also an "enlightened"
version of Islam, of which the mullahs and the majority of Muslims
are unaware. A year later, his estranged wife wrote to me and
revealed about this man's hypocrisy and how much abuse she
had endured in his hands. She said to be the one who wrote those
responses to me at his instruction and often objected saying but
this is not true and he told her the important thing is to save
the image of Islam. The poor woman said she complied out of fear
but never felt neither respect nor love from this "moderate,
enlightened" Muslim husband.
our forum and meet other ladies who will tell you their horror
stories after marrying Muslim men. It is not that Muslim men are
not good. The problem is that Islam dehumanizes them and to the
degree that they believe in Islam they become abusive and dangerous.
is a tool of domination and control. The purpose of Islam is to
fool people in order to use them. You are very lucky and smart
to realize this and save yourself in time. You don't have
to be embarrassed about your experience. I think you should talk
about it with your parents and friends. You were very young when
you joined this cult and you did it because you were lied to.
But you were wise and intelligent to see through the lies and
leave this cult. There are others who are too weak and too dumb
to do that. Do you remember Mireille, the poor Belgian woman who
went on a suicide mission in Iraq killing nine innocent people
and blowing up herself? Be grateful you were smart enough to see
what that wretched woman did not see.
am glad you shared your story. Please promote it so other inexperienced
young western girls can see the trap that is set for them and
hopefully avoid this dangerous cult. Join our forum and become
part of the movement of eradication Islam. There has been a reason
for you to go through this nightmare.
with permission from Faith