haram to marry an adult pagan woman but halal to marry an underage
It is haram to steal an egg from a Muslim, punishable by
cutting hands and feet, but halal
to rob non Muslim's commercial caravans, rewarded by share
of the booty.
It is haram to slaughter an animal in a name other than
God but halal to slaughter a human being in the name of God.
It is haram to befriend a Jew or a Christian but halal
to kill them and sleep with their wives and daughters.
It is haram to watch television but halal to watch beheadings
It is haram for a woman
even to show her face to a namahram man but halal
for a man
to disrobe and inspect a namahram woman before buying
her in a slave market.
It is haram to buy mortgage to acquire a house for your
family but halal to buy a woman from a slave market to sleep with
It is haram to trade alcohol but halal to trade human beings.
It is haram to listen to music but halal to listen to wailing
of innocent women and children of the beheaded
critics and apostates.
It is haram to see a movie but halal to kill an infidel.
It is haram to bet on a horse for entertainment but halal
to steal a horse from an infidel for a living.
It is haram for a woman to have more than one husband but
halal for a husband to have more than one wife.
It is haram for a husband to hurt his wife by treating
other wives better, but halal for him to hurt them all by acquiring and
sleeping with unlimited slaves and captive women.
It is haram for a wife to refuse her husband even on a
camels back but halal for a husband to beat her up with a lash
and green stick if she refuses him.
It is haram to even
break the heart of a single innocent person if he is Muslim, but
halal to behead all the innocent
men of a community and sell their innocent women and children
in slavery if they are non Muslims.
It is haram to attack and and injure enemy women but halal
to enslave and rape them.
It is halal to stone a woman by burying her in a hole dug
to her shoulders to maintain her "hijab" but haram to
stone her on a flat ground and risk her "hijab".
is halal to let young girls burn in fire but haram to rescue them
if they do not have hijab.
Ten Commandments of Islam
Thou shalt behead apostates, pagans and violators of blasphemy
laws, it is halal for you.
shalt extort money from Christians and Jews, the future hell dwellers,
and if they refuse, kill them. But do not hurt their women and
children, it is haram for you. However thou shalt enslave them,
rape them or sell them for profit, it is halal for you.
Thou art guaranteed paradise and 72 big bosomed houris (and/or
charming young boys), along with other fringes, if you cough up
big bucks and take a trip to Mecca. Poverty stricken chaps and
losers among you who cannot afford the trip, can earn the same
privileges and more by participating in Jihad and killing the
infidels. The jihadis will get the additional bonus of sharing
the booty and beautiful women from the captured infidel lands.
Thou shalt marry a maximum of four wives at a time, except for
my messenger whom I have exempted from this limit since his needs
are equal to the needs of 30 horny men. However Thou art allowed
to change your wives at will for variety and maintenance of your
harem quality by divorcing them and acquiring younger specimens.
Old bags lose their charm and excitement and must be replenished
with a fresh supply. Try to acquire younger and better looking
ones preferably virgins, leave the older ones and ugliest for
the losers and old fogies.
Thou art allowed to have unlimited number of slaves and captive
women and have sex with them, it is halal for you. Gay guys among
you will have to wait for their fun, we will provide them with
charming young boys in paradise. Alcohol lovers, hold your horses
until you make it to the paradise, there will be rivers flowing
with wine, up there.
For those amongst you who have pedophilic tendencies, we have
made underage children halal for marriage and your carnal pleasure.
However let them keep and play with their dolls while you are
at it so that their attention is diverted from their pain and
shock. Thou art also allowed to marry your daughter in law in
case you keep getting excited by her voluptuous body every time
you happen to see her in skimpy clothes.
Thou can demand sex from your women any time and anywhere, even
on a camel's back. Thou shalt keep a lash or a green stick handy
in case they refuse and need a good beating. However while doing
it on a camels back with your wife, make sure that the hijab is
maintained by keeping all yours and her body parts covered with
the burka during the action. In case of doing it with your slave
girl on a camel's back hijab requirement is exempted, you are
allowed to enjoy the sunshine and the fresh air along with her
Thou shalt not listen to music, watch t.v. or go to the movies,
these activities are haram for you. However thou shalt take your
family to watch beheadings of apostates and kafirs, cutting of
hands and feet of petty thieves, and stoning of adulterers, their
viewing is halal for you.
Thou shalt not indulge in haram professions like selling non halal
meat, food items with lard in it, or confectionary even with 1%
liquor in it or working in interest charging banks and mortgage
companies etc. Thou shalt only indulge in clean and halal means
of earning livelihood like slave trading, looting infidel caravans
and communities, killing Jews and acquiring their goods and properties,
extortion of jizya and kharaj from captured lands, and booty earning
Ramadan Rules. Thou art not allowed the pleasure of eating or
drinking during the fast (except for wives who have to taste food
lest their husbands beat them up for cooking foul tasting food)
but thou art allowed to kiss your wives, slaves (only female)
and the women your right hand posses, to wait out the rough afternoon
hungry period. Thou art not allowed to eat pigs but thou art allowed
to pig out after breaking the fast. Thou art not allowed to have
conjugal relationship during the fast but art allowed to break
a fast with sex instead of food. Husbands are allowed to prohibit
wives from fasting to keep the ladies fresh and beautiful for
a romantic evening after a hard day of fasting.