The submitters have cleansed half of the junks
that used to be my belief. However, I started doubting them when
they say that Rashad Khalifa is the messenger/rasul ordained by
Allah to reinstate the pure Islam as it was 1400 years ago. I
would still have submitted had they not proclaimed the messengerhood
of Dr. Rashad. Thus, when they started replacing Mohammad with
Rashad in the English translation of the Quran; that was the wake
up call for me. Nevertheless, my thanks goes to them for without
whom, you Ali Sina would have had difficult time to convince me
to leave Islam. The submitters initiated my doubt about the present
Islam; Ali Sina perfected it.
I feel liberated like most apostate here feel.
But I have to admit there is also a void in my heart. Living in
Islamic country where apostasy is a taboo, I feel LONELY. My best
friend from university had turned against me, and reported me
to the local authorities. She forwarded my emails to them. Lucky
that the authority could not trace me because my friend did not
know my address and the address of my office.
Ali, I am lonely! I mean I can't possibly
find a partner who shares my belief or rather unbelief. I can't
marry a non-Muslim because my identity card carries the fact of
my previous religion. Our marriage would be null and void. To
change it would cause an uproar in our registration department
where I will be subjected to courses for abandonment of Islamic
I am so helpless. I have biological as well
as emotional needs but I can't be living together without
marriage because that is uncalled for. I don't believe in one
nightstand or jumping from one bed to another. I need to have
a family of my own. I am a family person. I want to have a marriage
bond where my future spouse and children would enjoy the benefit
of a family proper, just like the one I grew up in, showered with
love and affection. By the way, my family is a staunch Muslims
in terms of practices and rituals but they condemn the mass killing
by Osama or any killings in the name of religion like the Aum
Shinrikyo of the Japanese Shoko Asahara.
Just like Iran, we too have moral police here
equipped with statutory enforcement and punishment, albeit they
do not harm you like Iranian moral police, but it would be enough
to humiliate my family if I were to be caught. I can't bear
the thought of my family being hurt by my arrest. I love them
so very much. Thus far, I have been living like a hypocrite. I
perform the salat and sawm at home.
Do you have any solution? Nooo... I don't
want to emigrate. I love my family, see.. I am such a hopeless!
But I'm so very lonely...
Let us first celebrate
the fact that you have become enlightened and left the cult of
hate. Congratulations and kudus to you for your sagacity and insightfulness.
As for your problem
of feeling lonely in an Islamic dominated country, I think you
are being overly pessimistic. There are many apostates living
around you who share your views but just like you they are afraid
to talk and don't trust anyone. We apostates are the fastest
growing "religion" of the world, i.e. if you can call
apostasy a religion. People are leaving Islam every day, and our
number is growing exponentially. The real challenge is how to
find the apostates when everyone is afraid of speaking and hides
his or her disbelief? Again I think the Internet is the response.
Try to find someone through the Internet. Write a personal ad
and announce you are looking for a life companion. When you fill
your ad, don't say that you are an apostate. Present yourself
as "nominal Muslim". When you meet someone, discuss
about his religious views and see to what extent he is brainwashed.
In the course of your correspondence tell him you are reading
faithfreedom.org and are curious to see what he thinks about it.
Chances are that once he starts reading this site, he too will
become a full-fledged apostate. However, listen carefully to his
reactions and see what he says. Don't argue with him. You don't
want to convert him but to find a suitable husband. If he starts
being abusive and react negatively, you know he is not the right
person. Agree with him and move on. You don't have even
to meet your contacts. Just make that test before meeting them
to see whether they qualify. When you want to find someone online,
you have a list of criteria that you expect your potential mate
to have. Add religious views to that list.
My dear Tanjung I know
what you go through and I know it is difficult. However, since
your eyes are opened now, you will not find happiness with a Muslim
man anymore. He will abuse you just because of your disbelief.
You have to find someone enlightened like yourself -- someone
who can treat you and your mind with respect. It might be a little
more difficult, but it is not impossible and the reward of finding
such person is huge.
permission from Faith