i am a former muslim. i left islam 5 years
ago and became a theist. this is my story.
i am an arab who was born into the sunni sect of islam. some say that
the sunnis are the most peaceful and tolerant muslims. sunni'ism is
also the oldest sect (according to my knowledge). it follows all the
teachings of the quran, the prophets "hadeeth" (sayings),
the orders of the caliphates, the inferences from the top teachings
and the "ijma'a" which is the imams' "clerics'"
voting on a particular matter if there is no precedent (like the
voting of making smoking haram).
i have studied islam all my life both privately and in school. i
prayed five times a day, dreamed of going to haj and wished to die a
mujahid (martyr). my childhood was full of innocence, naivety and
wonder of pretty much everything around me. my childhood also had fear
of the dark, probably because of the association between darkness and
evil; but this was only for a brief period of time because i remember
ending up playing with the idea that jinn were in the shadows but i
somehow knew that they could not harm a person with faith.
anyway...once the first intifadha happened, i took the palestinians
side because they were fellow muslim. i hated the israelis for killing
young muslims yet i was jealous of those young martyrs. i remember
asking my parents if we could go and fight alongside (i was less than
ten). i did not understand why there were so few people fighting since
there were so many muslims. i could not understand the complacency
that people felt. i know understand that they were waiting for one man
to symbolise ultimate "evil" and another to symbolise
"god's will" , basically the "liar-false prophet (dajjal-antichrist)"
and the "prophet issa-jesus" (pbuh).
i grew up a bit more and studied islam harder. i once got 100% in
i started wearing short dishdashas (robes) and short robes are
mandatory according to the prophets teachings. stopped listening to
music with certain instruments or a womans voice, doing du'a (praying
to god for specific things) and praying in the mosque as much as i
could. of course i didn't wear robes all the time, but it was a symbol
whenever i felt the occasion needed it (for my own sake). i also
joined an islamic club in school. basically islam was my way of life.
i grew more and reached puberty. and being surrounded by beautiful
women (a blessing) i had a bit of trouble, i will not go into detail,
but i was infatuated with a particular girl, i started listening to
love songs and rap to get her attention. nothing happened. a few years
passed and i grew a beard (also mandatory), i got a few complacent friends
and learnt their attitude, i shaved and listened to rock, started
skipping classes and being mischievous just to belong. i was having a
happy adolescence. i was a muslim, feeling a bit guilty that i had so
much knowledge yet i was trying to be average in all aspects. then one
thing hit me one day that i will never forget.
we took a sura in class called surat ar-rahman (sura # 55). two aya's
captured my attention ayat 19-20. the translation is "a
disturbance between the two seas when they meet. between them is a
separating entity which makes them not mix."
there is alot of speculation about these two ayas. some say that it is
literal and that between all seas is a separating entity and the
waters from each sea does not mix with the other. another speculation
is that the separating entity is between a river and a sea. that there
is a separating entity between the them (the difference in colour
suggests that to be true).
what in god's name is this great bungle in the quran? if there is a
seperating entity between two seas, how do the fish migrate or boats
travel? if the sep. ent. is between river and sea, how does the water
end up in the sea and why doesn't the whole coast be fresh water?
millions of years of rivers to the sea would surely do that. in other
words, neither the literal intepretation nor the half lie makes any
all i said was "god forgive me" (astakhfur allah). i felt
that a demon (which islam believes in
) must have whispered doubts in my ear. i was in shock.
a couple of years passed and i started smoking cannabis. i had long
talks with my friends and i kept on preaching "proper" islam
to them. but that sura and evolution and islams mercilessness kept on
nagging me. one day i remembered the fear of the dark and how i
overcame it (putting off the light and sitting there) i followed my
train of thought about the sura. i saw no way around it. there was an
imperfection. it was as bright as day.
now...if god is perfect and the quran is the word of god, and there is
an imperfection in the quran. does that mean that god had an imperfect
thought? or rather, did god make a mispronounciation? or even better,
did god not know the simple scientific phenomena called solubility? my
belief is that god is...something that existed a long time ago because
he must have created the big bang (that is my belief until we know
scientifically what happened before the B.B.). I dont think he did
anything after that. after 16 billion years, we came into existence.
that is that. sometimes we love, sometimes we lie, sometimes we kill
(as a collective), and sometimes we provide justice... i could go on
forever because humanity has done alot. but sometimes we attribute
things to god. that is human nature (unfortunately). it is upto the
rest of humanity to stop these delusions that man or woman have
after i faced these issues, i renounced religion.
i leave muslims with this thought: if u believe god is perfect, u also
believe that god's words are perfect. the quran is not perfect,
therefore the quran is not the word of god. and all muslims know the
problems with the other two (so called) religions of the book. if you
have to have a religion (which you don't) then choose from the others
which are peaceful and makes sense. it must also be compatible with
the times. also teach your children about islam, the good and the bad.
so they can avoid it. basically let your children choose their own
faith EXCEPT THIS ONE.
thank you for taking the time.
permission from Faith