Islam Under Scrutiny by Ex-Muslims

Mullah Nasruddin: True Stories of the Great Imam

Compiled from the web with some small changes and comments by Ibn kammuna

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. ---Yogi Berra

The Mullah and the Donkey: Who’s word would you take?

One day, one of Mullah Nasruddin's friend came over and wanted to borrow his donkey for a day or two. Mullah, knowing his friend, was not kindly inclined to the request, and came up with the excuse that someone had already borrowed his donkey.

Just as Mullah uttered these words, his donkey started braying in his backyard. Hearing the sound, his friend gave him an accusing look, to which Mullah replied: "I refuse to have any further dealings with you since you take a donkey's word over mine."

Moral of the story: Mullah Nasruddin is “Muslims” and Qur’an is “Braying of the Donkey”. The question is this: who would you believe; the Mullah or the Braying? Science showed us that the Qur’an has got tons of scientific facts wrong, yet Muslims keep saying the Qur’an is Miraculous. Abul Kasem has shown us not long ago, in his Qur’anic contradictions series, so many contradictions in the Qur’an; its unreal. Yet, Muslims keep saying there is not a single contradiction in the Qur’an. Who are we going to believe: the Mullah or the Braying (that braying sounds ugly by the way. That is why it is “recited”)

How to go out of business Nasruddin way

A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to Imam Nasruddin and poured out his story of tears and woe. When he had finished, the Imam Nasruddin said, "Here's what I want you to do, put a beach chair and a copy of the Qur’an in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Qur’an to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Qur’an in your lap. Open the Qur’an; the wind will move the pages, but finally the Qur’an will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do." A year later the businessman went back to the Imam and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom- tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket and gave it to the Masjid as a donation in thanks for his advice. Imam Nasruddin was happy for the money, and recognized the man, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked. "Absolutely," replied the businessman. "You went to the beach?" "Absolutely." "You sat in a beach chair with the Qur’an in your lap?" "Absolutely." "You let the pages move until they stopped?" "Absolutely." "And what were the first words you saw?" "Chapter 11."

Moral of the story: Here is chapter 11 on how to pay debts according to the holy prophet:

Dawud, Book 19, Number 2996 - Narrated Muhayyisah:

The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: If you gain a victory over the men of Jews, kill them. So Muhayyisah jumped over Shubaybah, a man of the Jewish merchants. He had close relations with them. He then killed him. At that time Huwayyisah (brother of Muhayyisah) had not embraced Islam. He was older than Muhayyisah. When he killed him, Huwayyisah beat him and said: O enemy of Allah, I swear by Allah, you have a good deal of fat in your belly from his property.

How to train Bedouins to run

"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run." "However did you do it?" "Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me."

Give me the Women

Once, when Mullah Nasruddin was visiting a Western town, he was invited to attend a fashion show. He went, and afterwards he was asked how he liked it. "It's a complete swindle!" he exclaimed indignantly. "What do you mean?" he was asked. "They show you the women - and then try to sell you the clothes!"

Moral of the story

Keep an open mind for women. Here is what Mo did:

Volume 3, Book 46, Number 717:

Narrated Ibn Aun:

I wrote a letter to Nafi and Nafi wrote in reply to my letter that the Prophet had suddenly attacked Bani Mustaliq without warning while they were heedless and their cattle were being watered at the places of water. Their fighting men were killed and their women and children were taken as captives; the Prophet got Juwairiya on that day. Nafi said that Ibn 'Umar had told him the above narration and that Ibn 'Umar was in that army.

By the way, Muhammad had sex with Juwairiyya that very night. If this is not rape, I do not know what is. He just murdered her husband and all adult male relatives, and enslaved women and children. Here is my question to the smart reader out there: Let us say he “married” her (as if she had a real choice here), does his sleeping with her that very night make it any less of a “rape”? Should such a marriage make the Muslim apologetic feel good about his prophet?

How to get out of Preaching a Sermon

Once, the people of The City invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a khutba. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left. The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left. Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!

Alexander the Great (PBUH)

The story from the Qur’an tells that Zul-Qarnain is Alexander the Great according to many Tafsirs. Here are some verses on that:

Yusuf Ali 18:83-86

They ask thee concerning Zul-qarnain Say, "I will rehearse to you something of his story." Verily We established his power on earth, and We gave him the ways and the means to all ends. One (such) way he followed, Until, when he reached the setting of the sun, he found it set in a spring of murky water: near it he found a people: We said: "O Zul-qarnain! (thou hast authority), either to punish them, or to treat them with kindness.""

Mullah Nasruddin knew his Qur’an very well. Some even say he was a “Hafiz”. The following story shows the depth of knowledge that our Mullah had:

Mullah Nasruddin went on a pilgrimage to Mecca, and on the way he passed through Medina. As he was walking by the main mosque there, a rather confused looking tourist approached him. "Excuse me sir," said the tourist, "but you look like a native of these parts; can you tell me something about this mosque? It looks very old and important, but I've lost my guidebook." Nasruddin, being too proud to admit that he, too, had no idea what it was, immediately began an enthusiastic explanation. "This is indeed a very old and special mosque." he declared, "It was built by Alexander the Great to commemorate his conquest of Arabia." The tourist was suitably impressed, but presently a look of doubt crossed his face. "But how can that be?" he asked, "I'm sure that Alexander was a Greek or something, not a Muslim. . . Wasn't he?" "I can see that you know something of these matters." replied Nasruddin with chagrin, "In fact, Alexander was so impressed at his good fortune in war that he converted to Islam in order to show his gratitude to God." "Oh, wow." said the tourist, then paused. "Hey, but surely there was no such thing as Islam in Alexander's time?" "An excellent point! It is truly gratifying to meet a visitor who understands our history so well," answered Nasruddin. "As a matter of fact, he was so overwhelmed by the generosity God had shown him that as soon as the fighting was over he began a new religion, and became the founder of Islam." The tourist looked at the mosque with new respect, but before Nasruddin could quietly slip into the passing crowd, another problem occurred to him. "But wasn't the founder of Islam named Mohammed? I mean, that's what I read in a book; at least I'm sure it wasn't Alexander." "I can see that you are a scholar of some learning," said Nasruddin, "I was just getting to that. Alexander felt that he could properly dedicate himself to his new life as a prophet only by adopting a new identity. So, he gave up his old name and for the rest of his life called himself Mohammed." "Really?" wondered the tourist, "That's amazing! But...but I thought that Alexander the Great lived a long time before Mohammed? Is that right?" "Certainly not!" answered the Mullah, "You're thinking of a different Alexander the Great. I'm talking about the one named Mohammed."

Moral of the story: Muhammad always invented stories out of the blue to fit his selfish desires. Mullah Nasr looks like a beginner compared to the master.

Giving a hand to a Begger

One day Nasruddin repaired tiles on the roof of his house. While Nasruddin was working on the roof, a stranger knocked the door. - What do you want? Nasruddin shouted out. - Come down, replied stranger So I can tell it. Nasruddin unwilling and slowly climbed down the ladder. - Well! replied Nasruddin, what was the important thing? - Could you give little money to this poor old man? begged stranger. Tired Nasruddin started to climb up the ladder and said, - Follow me up to the roof. When both Nasruddin and beggar were upside, on the roof, Nasruddin said, - The answer is no!

Smarter than a thief

That was the time Mullah Nasruddin's family was very poor. One day Nasruddin 's wife woke him in the middle of the night and whispered, "Nasruddin, There is a thief in the kitchen!" "Shhh... Stupid woman! replied Nasruddin. Let him be. Perhaps he find something then we seize it!"

Moral of the story: The holy prophet made a living out of attacking other people without warning, killing the men and enslaving women and children. What the Mullah wanted to do is nothing compared to what Muhammad did.


Soccer defensive player of the year – Mullah Nasr is Yogi Berra of his time

In his youth, Mullah Nasruddin played soccer as defence in his home town team. After one game where they lost to a late goal in the match, the Mullah explained what happened to the media in a serious tone: ”We were a little bit outnumbered there, it was two against two”


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Ibn Kamuna also contributes at faithfreedom.org. He can be contacted at [email protected].


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Name: ibrahim
Date: Friday March 06, 2009
Time: 23:07:05 -0500

Comment

that was funny brother and thoughtful as well.


Name: Philip Saenz
Date: Saturday March 07, 2009
Time: 03:06:44 -0500

Comment

Authentic Muslims are the biggest liars in the world. And the biggest and cruelest lie in the world is this: "Islam Is The Religion of Peace."


Name: Geert Wilders Prosecuted for Hate Speech!
Date: Saturday March 07, 2009
Time: 05:05:43 -0500

Comment

Geert Wilders Prosecuted for Hate Speech, Long live Freedom of Speech!


Name: All msulims need training in rational thinking moral ethics
Date: Saturday March 07, 2009
Time: 10:42:46 -0500

Comment

All msulims need training in rational thinking moral ethics.Axiomology must be compulsory subject to all students in islamic countries.Then only they can accept mohammad was evil culprit with their conscience.


Name: shame on you ma khan
Date: Saturday March 07, 2009
Time: 14:59:23 -0500

Comment

shame on you ma khan why are you erasing my comments? do yoy call yourself a frrethinker while censor other opinions? in this manner you want rule minds and hearts of muslims? i am very sorry you cant success in this way


Name: duh_swami
Date: Sunday March 08, 2009
Time: 00:40:18 -0500

Comment

Good article...funny but true...Thanks...


Name: India's Unwanted Hindu Girls
Date: Sunday March 08, 2009
Time: 05:10:44 -0500

Comment

BBC News: As many as 10 million female fetuses may have been aborted in India over the last 20 years as families try to secure a male heir, according to a 2006 study published in the medical journal The Lancet. Daughters are generally considered to be a liability since they require a dowry and are therefore more "costly". They are also perceived to have lower economic, social and religious value than sons. Boys are preferred because they can perform certain ritual and ceremonial duties that girls - owing to religious customs - cannot. This deeply entrenched cultural preference for sons has made way for the easy availability of sex-selective abortions across India, though the practice is banned. The cost of an illegal ultrasound and abortion is $12, but it is $5,000 to marry off a daughter. In some instances, families consult "quack doctors" who provide various medicines to ensure a son. These dubious treatments can end up endangering the health of the expectant mother and child. The shortage of women in some parts of India has created a trade where women are brought from other areas of the country to become wives.


Name: Archpagan
Date: Sunday March 08, 2009
Time: 05:13:56 -0500

Comment

Islamic civilization, if there be any, is primitive. They have yet to find a solar calender of their own. Everyday, I see my Muslim neighbour offer prayer. I do not understand Arabic.It sounds just as howling of wolves. However, from his body language I have been able to construct something- Oh Allah and His Rasul, forgive me for the sins I am committing everyday, forgive me -, forgive me --, if you are unwilling,then I crawl ,offering my buttock.


Name: G.Ryan
Date: Monday March 09, 2009
Time: 13:40:57 -0500

Comment

brilliant,funny and true.very well done!


Name: Muha
Date: Sunday March 15, 2009
Time: 07:25:39 -0500

Comment

Eehhh... How do you take this for islam? Dont you know that the whole Nasruddin Hojja, is a urban legend? Nobody really knew if he ever existed.


 
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