Islam Under Scrutiny by Ex-Muslims

The Qur’an: A Very Good, Useful Book

by Ibn Kammuna & Ibrahim Lone

07 Dec, 2008

This article is a satire.


Editor: In the context that scores of innocent lives are being lost or devastated daily due to this 'terror manual', this is a worthy recommendation, which would eventually save many lives. -- MA Khan

 

Pundits, such as Dr Ali Sina, claim that the Qur’an is not a good book. In fact it is filthy and evil. While we may not contest this claim directly, we, the good Muslims Ibn Kammuna and Ibrahim Lone, still believe that the Qur’an is good and useful in many aspects. Many Islamic countries print the Qur’an and distribute it free of charge. We encourage that because, as the reader will see shortly, there are many good uses for the Qur’an. What you see here is only a partial list. We are confident that the readers of this forum will direct our attention to a multiplicity of uses that we have not noticed, or just over-looked. Here are some of the uses that we think are very good for the holy Qur’an:

  1. It is winter time. Wood stoves and wood fires are common in many parts of the world. The papers of the Qur’an are a perfect candidate for use as a fire starter. So, use it wisely and do not use much of it in one time. We believe in going green when possible, and using the least amount of Quranic paper to start a fire is an environmentally-friendly option. We think Al Gore will nominate us for some kind of an award for this recommendation.

  2. We think that Sina was wrong in recommending the Qur’an as a toilet paper. This is not a good recommendation for many reasons. First, there is toilet paper readily available in almost all stores, and cheap. Second, it is unhygienic, and may cause some skin rash that is hard to heal. Knowing the content of the Qur’an, we believe such practice will cause major physical illnesses. Medical care is very costly nowadays. So, we strongly recommend the Qur’an for starting useful heating fires, instead of a toilet paper. Having said that, we do not believe that the Qur’an rises up to a respectable level that makes it good for bathroom use.

  3. If you have young children, we recommend giving them papers of the Qur’an to tear it apart. Kids like taking papers and tearing them apart. What is better than the Qur’an for this purpose? It will help motor skills development for children. It will help them ease up their frustrations by tearing up the Qur’an. It will also give your kids something to do. So, this is definitely a win-win-win situation. We do have kids, and it is so nice to get away from their aggravation by giving them something useful to do.

  4. The Quranic hard cover is very useful for kids too. Just separate it from the papers of the Qur’an, and give it to your children. Children are creative and will find many uses for them. One of our little girls used it as a “play tray” and brought her dad empty “play cups” of tea to drink. It is just a joy to see our kids happy playing and putting the Qur’an to a good use.

  5. The papers of the Qur’an can be used to make flying kites for children. One can also use such papers to teach his/her children how to make kites. Kids are great and can imitate what you do with your Quranic paper on their Quranic papers. With few attempts, your kids will thank you, and will be able to make kites of the Qur’an any time they want. We believe this activity of making “Quranic” kites should be a family activity that promotes learning, bonding, love and care between family members. Is there any question left about the Qur’an being useful?

  6. Another useful point to mention here is that there is a need to consume as many free Qur’ans as possible. This will take money away from Islamic governments and agencies giving them fewer resources to use for Jihadi activities. This is also a good by-product of our keen promotion of the Qur’an as a good and useful book.

  7. We think the hard covers of the Qur’an can have multiple useful uses. Here are some examples: cup holder, separation markers between papers or folders, cleaning shoes from mud and dirt, Frisbee .. etc.

  8. Ladies this is for you especially if you are working from home. Get a bunch of hardbound copies of the Qur’an and use them as step ladders. This way you won’t have to invest in buying one.

  9. We also feel that Qur’an can be used for punishing naughty kids at school and home. All one has to do is to make them read the Quran rather than putting them into detention. We are pretty certain that the child will never repeat the same mistake again as long as you keep on reminding him of her of the punishment.

  10. The Qur’an can certainly be helpful in treating Insomnia. As we all know that the Qur’an is an extremely boring book which at the best induces laziness. So forget about sleeping pills use the Quran.

  11. We know for certain that if properly cut into pieces we could make a nice Arabic Mural or doormat out of the Quran.

  12. Gymnasium owners to replace expensive weight training machines with hard bound copies of the Quran, thus saving on a lot of money.

  13. Since Muslims are so touchy about the Quran, the security agencies can start stomping and burning the Qur’an which is will enable the terrorists to come out of their hideouts into the open, thus making them an easy target. In the process many valuable Human lives will be saved.

  14. Tearing pages from the Quran and pasting them on the roads will keep your neighborhood free of Muslims, who would never dare to drive over Allah’s word.

  15. Quran can also be used as a shield by the Armed forces hence preventing the Muslims to fire at them in countries like Iraq and Afghanistan.

  16. Since paper is of organic origin, the Quran can be used to fertilize your plants.

  17. Quran is also a valuable teaching tool for kids who don’t study. Let me tell you how. Once a kid is punished by telling him to read the Quran the parent can tell him that if he does not study well, he would have to read the Quran for the rest of his life.

  18. Quran can also be used by the interrogators in terrorist detention centers where they will be subjected to the horror of reading the Quran for a good part of the day while they are awake. We really can’t think of a better way to torture someone.

  19. Quran can be used in piggeries to clean the trash and filth left by the pigs.

  20. Liquor stores can stock up Quran and use them to wrap the wine bottles and thus give an exotic look to them.


We have already got our free copies of the Quran. If you haven't gotten one, rush to the Saudi Embassy to get yours?

 

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Ibn Kamuna also contributes at faithfreedom.org. He can be contacted at ibnkammuna@aol.com.

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Comments Notes: Keep comments short. Our system cannot separate paragraphs. Comments must be relevant to the topic of the article. We did not regulate the comments but if irrelevant comments, materials, adds of other websites etc. are being uploaded, we may ban such nuisance posters.

Name: www.nadeemaslam36@yahoo.com
Date: Friday December 05, 2008
Time: 22:38:42 -0500

Comment

ur BASTARDS 100% wrong ur filth n scumbags

Name: Dear Nadeem Aslam
Date: Friday December 05, 2008
Time: 23:28:57 -0500

Comment

Dear Nadeem, I am sorry that this funny article angered you. I wish Muhammad wrote articles instead of forming a gang of robbers and criminals. I invite you to read the authentic sources of Islam (Qur'an, Hadith and sira). Let me give you a story to read. It is about what the holy prophet (PBUH) did to a tribe called Bani Qurayza. he beheaded, in one day between 600 and 900 adult men. When you read the story, relying on authentic sources, I am confident that you will rethink you ideas about who Muhammad is, and what is it that he actually did. The link below is a well-researched article on the topic of bani Qurayza by a researcher I highly respect. Please read it and think about the events and the moral implications of such a story. And, by the way, this is just one story about Muhammad. There are many that will turn your black hair to white in an instant because of the degree of evil that Muhammad exhibited in doing such acts. God knows i am telling you the truth brother. Here is the link: http://islam-watch.org/SyedKamranMirza/Muhammad-Killing-Jews-of-Banu-Quraiza-and-Khaybar.htm

Name: hello nadeem
Date: Friday December 05, 2008
Time: 23:35:10 -0500

Comment

Thanks for introducing yourself nadeem. Its okay even if you are a bastard. I mean how does it matter man. Why dont you prove us scumbags wrong?

Name: Xander
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 02:33:36 -0500

Comment

Interesting read. This does provide a fresh perspective to the Quran.

Name: hahahaa
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 02:33:47 -0500

Comment

hahahahaha.. my stomach aches from the laughter... ..pls keep up this DIVINE WORK.

Name: Maryam to Naseem Aslam
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 02:57:57 -0500

Comment

Naseem, ya magnoon, go stick your head into the toilet and count to 100. You have a filthy mouth full of disgusting words and you need to expel it where it belongs-the crapper!

Name: vbv
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 03:21:58 -0500

Comment

To Nadeem:-Every creed has its drawbacks and inanities. But others have been candid about it and progressed in life,they are tolerant and see the values of humanity in its proper perspective like human rights, democracy, freedom from the bigotry of religion, compassion for all ,fraternity, freedom of thought and choice, etc. But islam still revels in medevial arabic barbarism like cut the limbs for a theft, stone to death for causes like homosexuality, adultry (for which a psychiatric treatment would be a modern alternative), murder by beheading for apostasy, etc. This is utterly barbaric and uncouth to say the least.To top it all islam claims this to be a 'divine law' prescribed by a fake deity called Allah. If Allah is really a creator,he should have 'created' a perfect world, in which he has utterly failed. Instead this Allah can only keep issuing empty threats and prescribe barbaric practices of prehistoric arabian barbarians instigating muslims zombies to execute his threats which he is unable to carry out himself: why? Because this Allah doesn't exist, he is a figment of Muhamad's imagination ,or else he is IMPOTENT! Therefore, think logically before you spew out your unspeakable filthy words from your mouth!

Name: jackiebrownstone
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 04:45:30 -0500

Comment

Priceless guys. They should be on every kitchen table. We could tear the pages right out and wipe our mouths clean after a tastey juicey meal of organic free range porky goodness.

Name: Thanks to Allah
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 11:34:44 -0500

Comment

very good article written and hosted by frustrated sub-humans. Reading such stubdity must help ease up their frustrations with Islam. Sadly this is just making your mission harder, no sane mind will take you people seriously. Some readers will wonder what the Quran is like for this gang to be so frustrated with and may go and read it. And guess what...they convert to the true faith. Thanks to islam watch. Keep it up.

Name: To nadeemaslam
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 12:05:43 -0500

Comment

Present your side of the argument in a civilized manner instead of hurling accusations.

Name: To hardcore Muslim
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 12:11:12 -0500

Comment

Allah is the pre-Islamic moon deity of pagan Meccans. The Kaaba, the black stone, one of the three stones revered by pre-Islamic pagans of Mecca. The pilgrimage to Mecca is a pre-Islamic pagan tradition continued to be observed by all Muslims.

Name: Re: Thanks to Allah
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 14:33:24 -0500

Comment

I refuse to believe that anyone will read a site like this and decide to retard to Islam no matter how often Muslims claim otherwise.

Name: sub human
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 15:57:48 -0500

Comment

can you tell me why,i would want to be human if it means being a muslim like you.You and your ilk worship mohammed not god!

Name: To "thanks to allah" and to nadeem
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 19:42:36 -0500

Comment

Perhaps it's time to read your "holy book" in a language that you can understand. As well as the other resources that go with it. IF you can remain a "muslim" afterwards without any doubts, then you are true muslims. If you read them and then finally know that these people are telling the truth, it will be even harder, but you can break free. As to you "thanks to allah", I have read this horrible book and I did NOT CONVERT. It made me sick! And these people that have left islam, THEY ALL HAVE READ THE QUARAN IN A LANGUAGE THAT THEY CAN FINALLY UNDERSTAND and because of it, LEFT. Try reading it. In fact, I CHALLENGE YOU TO READ IT. IF you can remain, okay, if you can't THEN YOU FINALLY KNOW THE TRUTH.

Name: Thanks to Allah
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 22:37:43 -0500

Comment

Wow another name appears on islam-watch. this time it is Ibn Kammuna the guy who wrote that The Qur’an: A Very Good, Useful Book on 6/12/08. I like "From what you wrote, it is evident you are copying and pasting nonsense from some Islamic sites. Brother, you have to do better than that if you come to discuss things with Islam Watch. There are multiplicity of researchers here who spend hundreds of hours researching the Sira, hadith and Evil Qur'an" Apparently his article is great work for this low quality site zombi brain dead people. I do not see a problem with people referring to sources on the web to make their argument. So Ahmad did his part. I do not know why Ahmad wastes his time with you. You people do not want to be convinced. I write stuff here becuase to the readers not to authors. Again Ibn Kammuna the stuff you wrote in your article is good to be labled I am so frustrated with Islam and will talk stuff out of ... and past it ma khan trashy site. Muslims do not take you people seriously. Islam welcomes debate and the Quran urges one to think throughout so long the opponent uses logic and refers to reliable sources. I do not think for a second these peple and the new names always coming up on this site are Muslims who left Islam. I acknolwdge that there are those who leave for cheap Western values but thanks to Allah Islam is by far the fastest growing religion in the world. and those are converts to Islam despite what the Western media and people like ali sina are doing. Ali Sina is a man who is retarted and should be admited into mental inst. His quality of work is just as bad as this site. Becuase of his frustratation he recently accused Obama of not being an American citizen. We label him like others wild jokers. Thanks to Allah

Name: Ibn Kammuna
Date: Saturday December 06, 2008
Time: 23:13:15 -0500

Comment

Mr. Thanks to Allah, Let me give you a little challenge instead of all this nonsense you are rattling about. Qur'an 4:34 has two words in it "Beat them". That was about husbands beating their wives. Now, regardless of being a last resource garbage, and regardless of how "gentle" and "kind" and, as some idiot apologetics try to make look simple as using a "tooth brush" in the act of beating. Regardless of all that, the verse clearly allows a husband to beat a wife. Now, I don't care who you are, if you accept beating a woman as an acceptable norm of behavior, I want nothing to do with you or your evil beliefs. You might as well go to Saudi Arabia and live there like an animal, where the Mutawa' forces you to go to pray by, coincidently, beating. You see, Islam forces people even to pray. Making Qur'an 4:34 look like a nice verse is the specialty of idiots who insist that Islam is a good religion indeed.

Name: god chataracter allah is also mad
Date: Sunday December 07, 2008
Time: 03:23:48 -0500

Comment

god chataracter allah is also mad.He created huumnaity and the universe and also satan to harass the humanity.Stupid islam and Quron are all outcomes of schizo mohammad hallucinations.It is time that all muslims to introspect.

Name: Joe
Date: Sunday December 07, 2008
Time: 04:39:15 -0500

Comment

Cheap Western values? Like literacy, scientific discovery and freedom? They aren't so cheap. They are prized by Muslims who everyday line up outside Western embassies pleasing for visas. Meanwhile no one wants to be a Pakistani or Iranian because that way of life has no value. - Non-Muslims are developing new technologies and exploring outer space while Muslims debate how long their erections will last in the next life.

Name: Islam- A mind prison
Date: Sunday December 07, 2008
Time: 05:13:06 -0500

Comment

Muslims are stuck in a prison called Islam.

Name: RE: Thanks to Allah From Ibrahim Lone
Date: Sunday December 07, 2008
Time: 11:11:09 -0500

Comment

Hello kind lady. Would you kind let us poor souls know what exactly is the true Islam that you know and we don't. Seriously I wold love to hear from you. Please prove to us that Islam is the true religion of Allah. Now if you feel that we had never been Muslims, we would rather not refute you, because we love to believe that as this is the only way we can console ourselves that we were not stupid for large portion of our lives. Since you thrive on the Islamic websites for your survival we can undertand your frustrations at not the truth that Muslims are leaving Islam. If Islam is really the fastest growing religion, all I have to say to you is Congratulations. There is at least one sphere where Islam is growing i.e. reproduction. Anyway keep trying your Taqqiyya tactics sweetly they are not going to work here. Had you really read know Arabic and studied the Quran you would have never said all the stuff you just did. That is why most Arabs stay away from debating Islam, because they know better than you and others like you who waste their time in defending a religion which you know absolutely nothing about. So when are you going to Prove your Islam. Of course there is no prize money here, even though I promise you that I will convert back to Islam if you prove our theories are wrong. If do so just imagine your Hasanath is going to increase and Allah will reward you a few more Houris and couple of more pearly eyed boys Thanks and have a great Halal day!!!!

 
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