Devout Muslim Leaves Islam in Weeks
04 June, 2007
- A neo-apostate, nick-named Mr. I, wrote the following letter to Dr Ali Sina of Faithfreedom.org:
- I wish to share with you about how I became an apostate of Islam. It all started around 6 months ago when I decided to hear what the apostate of Islam had to say. However, I used to pray 5 times a day without fail and also I used to read the Koran before bedtime. It is hard for me to believe that even though I prayed daily and read the Koran, it took me only a few weeks to stop praying Allah after reading this site, mainly reading about the testimonies of those who left Islam.
I was shocked at first when I read most of their testimonies. I was speechless when I read your site, and when I saw that you were making a reference to the Koran during one of your debates. I immediately took out my Koran with English translation just to check on weather you were telling the truth, and yes to my shock, you are telling the truth about Islam. I was speechless. Then I started to do a little bit of research myself and I found this: "created man, out of a (mere) clot of congealed blood" al-'alaq:2, translated by Yusuff Ali.
From here on, I started to doubt. I don't know Ali Sina, but however I feel that Islam doesn't really sink in to me when I was still a Muslim. I think that is why I am able to left this religion so quickly. I think that I was forcing myself.. Around a few weeks ago, I remember when you e-mailed me to stop bury my head under the sand, that, in an instant, I announced myself as an apostate on the forum. But until now, I still cannot believe to the fact that I am already an apostate. I even feel that I have an 'evil' side of me, much like a split personality, and I wish that I was being given a pill that could change my emotion and I also wished that I could just bury my head under the sand and pretend not to know anything. but I know that in life, when you have doubt, you don't ignore them, because that is what keeps them growing. You just have to clear those doubts. But I wasn't able to. Instead, I find more doubts. I also seek for answers from my dad, since he used to teach at the madrassas (islamic school). But his answers do not satisfy me. Right now, as I typed these words, I don't know myself anymore. I felt weird when I left Islam and when I think that God does not exist. Now, I feel that I stand in between an atheist or an agnostic, But more towards atheist. However, I would like to be known as a freethinker as I want to free my mind, free from any kind of belief. That it about me.
A question about your book: You said that your book attacks the very foundation of Islam and when they read, people will start to asking questions. I mean, just how many Muslims are willing to hear other opinions? Not many. And just how many people actually read this kind books? There's already a Muslim congressmen in the US. People leaving Islam, but I also heard from my dad that more people are converting to Islam (he doesn't know that I already apostatized, because he will kill me if he knew that. He told me quite a few times. Are you sure Islam will end? Because if I'm correct, if your book did cause people to question about Islam, I will witness the end of Islam either when I'm already working or when I'm doing my studies at the university. That is all.
Ali Sina's response:
Dear Mr. I,
I am glad you were able to see the truth and have realized that Islam is false. The strange feeling of denial, shock, confusion, guilt, sadness, and even anger after finding the truth is normal. You may even feel that you have done something terribly wrong and will want to revert back to Islam. This is all part of the process of enlightenment. We all went through these stages. I call them the seven valleys from faith to enlightenment.
It does not matter whether you call yourself an apostate or not. Even if you call yourself a Muslim, continue praying the Islamic prayers, fast and do everything Islamic, life will never be the same for you again. You are out of the womb of ignorance. You are born in a new world where everything is different. Babies cry when they are born. That is because they know nothing about this world and all they feel is that they are separated from the only world that they know. Birth was a painful experience for all of us and I don’t think anyone wanted it to happen. The comfort of the known and the fear of the unknown is what keep us from making the leaps necessary for your growth.
I have seen many people, including yours truly, who could not let go and vacillated between faith and disbelief for a long time. However, once you learn the truth, there is no unlearning it. One can go back and fool himself for a few more years trying to keep his head under the sand, but at the end he will have no choice but to resign to the fact that he is out of that paradise of ignorance and should move on.
You do not have to say anything to your father or to anyone about leaving Islam. Keep going to the mosque if your father asks you to and pretend praying and fasting if necessary. You are out of Islam and Islam is out of you no matter what you do, say or think. I can say that many people who have left Islam are still in the forum of FFI defending it. I can see that they are no longer Muslims but they like to live in denial for now as admitting the truth is too painful. Eventually they will admit it too. There is no hurry. We are not recruiting people to do anything. We are spreading knowledge. Each person has his or her own pace of growth. It took you six months, it took me two years. Some people do it in days and others in years.
You say that now that you left Islam, it feels strange not to believe in God. But who said you should abandon the belief in God? God has nothing to do with Muhammad and Islam. If you choose not to believe in God, that is your choice, but you must not think that by leaving Islam you have to leave God. Many apostates, including myself, felt that we found God, the real God, after letting go of our fear of Allah, the sadistic god of Muhammad.
Apostasy is knowledge. You do not have to do anything to be an apostate. There are no baptisms, shahada or initiation rituals. Once you have the knowledge of the truth, you can no longer believe in lies and absurdities. The next step is to spread this knowledge. Do that with caution (hikmat) and if you live in a Muslim country, as I imagine you do, use only the Internet to speak out your mind.
Welcome to the world of enlightenment. Your real growth has just begun. Now that you have become a freethinker and a critical thinker, you are on your own to find the realities of life. Freedom entails responsibility. Now it is your responsibility to choose the right path and live the right way.
Yes Islam will not last this century. This century will be the century of free information and this means the end of Islam. Ignorance and knowledge cannot live side by side. Islam is ignorance and ignorance will dissipate once knowledge is spread like darkness that vanishes with the introduction of light. For 1400 years Muslims managed to keep the darkness by not letting the light in. That is no longer possible.
The book I have written is about the psychology of Muhammad and why he did what he did. No one can read that book and not be affected. It will shed a lot of light on the mind of Muhammad and one cannot help but accept that the founder of Islam was indeed a psychopath. The proof is overwhelming. It will be available for purchase next week.
Wish you the best.