appeared in FFI about a year ago. It is posted here upon author's
All of a sudden, Jannat, the Heaven, the Islamic perfumed garden,
the ultimate goal of any believer of Allah, the abode of the
jihadi shahids/martyrs was shut down indefinitely, due to heavy
rush of fresh entrants, thus increasing its population much beyond
its original capacity, designed around 1400 years ago!
So, as a pre-emptive measure, Allah had decreed the shutdown of
Jannat - sine die, and closed its doors with an explosive
All currently booked fresh entrants just before the shutdown were
now being accommodated in a new annexe, miles away from the
The scenario on earth:
1. Advantages of being an Islamic Shahid or martyr
In fact, the jihadi mujahids -cum- the Shahids or martyrs also
give up their precious lives as suicide squads exploding
themselves against the targets of non-believers and apostates with
bombs and though killing in the process, many unintended innocent
passers-by. So what!! Have they not wrecked damage to their
intended target > non-believers and apostates - as per Quranic
command? These killers, sorry, these shahids/martyrs who laid down
their lives are assured of a place in Jannat. That is the only
criteria to be reckoned here. Who is worried about world’s
opinion? After all everything is done in the name of Allah. That
2. Advantages of being a Muslim while being alive:
It is extremely natural for the jihadis to target the undefended
civilians because it is the easiest and least risky. Moreover,
amongst the unintended targets of civilians too, there must be
definitely, at least one, a few or many so-far unidentified
non-believers/apostates of Islam who are fit to be killed. So, in
such cases, it is also justifiable to attack, kill, loot and annex
their properties, and rape their women. In this sacred Islamic
religious duty, they not only follow the Quranic dictates of Allah
but also, follow exactly the strategies of their prophet, Muhammad
in his many murderous expeditions about 1400 years ago. So, the
Jihadis need not have to have any qualms or iota of
guilty-conscience. The moot point is that the Muslims earn a
comfortable living, while being alive also by this profitable
proposition of - kill, loot, and rape philosophy. That is all.
3. Empirical proof of success of Islamic philosophy:
This orderliness (?) of attack on the undefended civilians yielded
fantastic profits in terms of ghanimat (spoils) of Zan, Zar, and
Zameen, women, wealth, and land respectively for the messenger.
Chengiz Khan, Mohammad Ghaznavi, Afghan warlords and Moghal
invaders, all followed this very same strategy successfully on
their periodical attacks against
. They were able to establish new Empires, expand their kingdoms,
rule and subjugate the conquered, demolish their temples and build
in the very same locale, the Masjids for Islamic worship and
propaganda. The present day outfits like LET, (Lashkar–e-Toiba),
HUM (Harkat-ul-Mujahideen, HUJI (Harkat-ul-Jihad-al-Islami, and et
al (all based in
) also follow this successful strategy.
See the many splendored advantages! What a bright path the
Messenger of Allah, Muhammad,
(peace be upon him) had shown to his followers. Quite a leader!
Besides, these are but small step towards Islamisation of the
world. Several small drops only make the ocean!
Don’t be puzzled by these pearls of Islamic wisdom!!
Now coming back to Jannat problem
Allah was much worried among all Gods of religions in the cosmic
space of Heavens.
He was debating within Himself whether the current situation was
at all entirely due to the illiterate Muhammad’s reckless promises
made in Quran in Allah’s name to suit himself at that time or was
it all due to the transmission loss of His communication through
Gabriel to Muhammad. Anyway both Muhammad and Gabriel escaped the
blame, but, as super-boss Allah, He had to take the entire brunt
of blame upon Himself for the conduct His delegated staff.
Moreover, on further investigation, Allah found out that besides
problems of new entrants, there were already problems from the
Jannat inmates inside.
Since the problem involved was about the past, present and future
management of Jannat, Allah wanted to probe thoroughly into the
‘why and how’ of things so that the exact diagnosis of the
quandary could be made for a remedial and permanent solution.
Allah took out his writing pad as if a Systems Analyst, and began
noting down the points on His analysis on Jannat crisis.
How did the
inmates find their entry into Jannat?
It is simply killing innocent non-believers or the apostates of
No inmate ever reached Jannat, the hard way, like in all other
religions in terms of service to fellow humans, personal
sacrifices, penance, malice towards none, and love & charity for
programme in Jannat?
It was a one-way ticket to Jannat (only entry with no exit)
What was the
daily routine of Inmates?
Ha! Daily routine! What else, whole-time sex with Houris & young
boys, at times with their original devoted /obedient wives too. It
No need for observance of five pillars of Islam i.e., No-Shahadah
/ Kalima (No-affirmation of faith), No-Salat (No-five times prayer
– So, no-Adaans), No-Zakah (No-obligatory Charity of 2.5% p.a.),
No-Sawm (No-fasting in the month of Ramadhan) and No-Hajj
) and no more Jihad. So, sex is the only way to spend their time.
(What is wrong in spending their time like this, when there is
plenty of time with no other work to do and the availability of
willing Houris & young boys for sex and their ever-helping hands
to fill up their cups with intoxicating wine after every sip, thus
keeping the cup and their lip constantly brimming. The gracious
Allah had also rewarded the Jannat inmates with another blissful
bounty - the sexual prowess to satisfy one and all in one go too –
what more anyone can ask for!!).
What is the
composition of Inmates?
To be honest, the whole lot of inmates could be classified as
unsocial (KDs) known desperados in earthly parlance. Most of them
were illiterates who were mentally tuned and trained for rape,
loot, mayhem, treachery and bloody murders.
Then, what are
their other vocations in Jannat over and above sex?
The inmates had formed their own Unions Country wise / Sect wise
(Sunnis & Shias).
There were factions like, Al Amin Hussaini (an advisor to Adolf
Hitler on Jewish Final solution) Brigade, Tikka Khan of Pakistan
(the proud Islamic hero of rape of many Bengali-women and
slaughter of two million Bangladeshi Hindus and countless
Bengali-Muslim professionals, intellectuals and students of the
Universities) Brigade; the Mongol (Chengez Khan) Brigade, Moghal
Brigade etc. There were constant skirmishes and minor to major
fights amongst the inmates.
But, Al Qeada elements wanted to establish their one-upness or
suzerainty over everyone here also, which was not acceptable to
many. Al Qeada’s men are grouping themselves now and they are all
eagerly awaiting their leader soon at Jannat for the formation of
Osama Bin Laden Brigade!
[There is also a saying: Idle brain is a devil’s workshop and just
imagine, with the real devils in Jannat as idle-inmates who were
also intoxicated alcoholics, what more could be expected from
Why did Allah
not take timely action in all these years?
That is a several million-dollar question and very inconvenient at
The unprecedented present rush to Jannat in such large proportions
necessitated Allah to resort to Jannat Shutdown now and
re-engineering the entire Jannat set-up.
The mere quantum of provision of aids for the Jannat inmates was
quite mind bogging exercise even to Allah i.e. 72 Houris and 28
boys for every single inmate for their sex. Supposing for a
Billion Jihadis population at Jannat, Allah had to generate 100
Billion sex-aids besides the other auxiliaries required like
Housing, Wine, Food, Water, Clothing facilities etc.
Thank Allah for the following blessings too - there was no sweat,
and no nature’s call in Jannat. Just imagine, if these beneficial
blessings were to be absent, the whole lot of Jannat would be more
stinking than all the earthly slums put together, and no perfumes
permeating the Jannati-air will ever help the offensively
But, it was the most distressingly disgusting sight through out
the day whenever Allah went out for stroll because every inmate
without fail, was only engaged in sexual perversions in
residences, streets, parks, and even open spaces. So, Allah had
stopped going out of His palace forever.
Now Allah realized the enormity of the problem and found none to
help him out too.
In such a perilous situation of finding a solution, he jotted down
compare the management ethics/doctrines/criteria adopted in
other Heavens of other religions and see whether anything can be
usefully adopted. He then found out that every other religion
was totally opposed to His philosophy in every aspect and it
would be very suicidal for Him to adopt a different type of
philosophy at this stage, other than the present Islamic
philosophy of loot, rape, treachery and murder, thus exposing
and confirming His stupidity in the creation of Islam.
the solution: When Allah even approached the Heads of other
Heavens, the response was very cold and unnerving. They put up
a --“No entry for any Muslim” board at their respective gates,
as they all know the ramifications this could create, such as
Wars among Religions in Space also. So, they never wanted any
connection whatsoever in any form with Islamic cult.
3. Amendment into a single and consolidated Quran and abolition of
Hadiths and Sunnah completely by an Allah Ordinance: Okay. Done.
But whom would Allah send as Messenger to Earth? It was the real
dilemma for Allah in sending the old messenger, Muhammad once
again because he was already declared as the last of the prophets.
So, he could not be sent. Even otherwise, Allah was once bitten,
so He was twice shy.
In choosing another different messenger Allah never wanted take
the risk this time by choosing another earthling. So, the new
messenger had to be chosen carefully only after due evaluation and
so it would take time. But there was also a possibility that the
final candidate would again be from these unsocial
known-desperados now parading before Him as martyrs.
So he jettisoned the very idea of amendment to Quran too.
In this gloom, Allah needed some disposal solution ultimately
helpful to Him in terms of at least future inmates of
Jannat. This, Allah found in Hadith: Abu Dawood: Vol 3 -
Book 40 - Hadith 4580 regarding No. of sects in Islam: (72
sects) + real Islam 1 = Total 73 sects.) Volume 3, Book 40, Number
Abu ‘Amir al-Hawdhani said: Mu’awiyah b. Abi Sufyan stood among us
and said: Beware! The apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him)
stood among us and said: Beware! The people of the Book were split
up into seventy-two sects, and this community will be split up
into seventy-three: seventy-two of them will go to Hell and one of
them will go to
Paradise , and it is the majority
Allah was also not happy that even the 73rd sect should
reach Jannat. That situation was also a nightmare for Him, as the
final 73rd sect would be too fiercely concentrated lot
of Islamic fanatics even though their numeric strength might be
Allah found no solution under the vexing conditions. Allah has now
to decide whether to continue Jannat or close it down. Allah found
himself as if an earthling clutching a tiger’s tail in his
trembling hand, i.e., to keep endlessly the tiger’s tail in his
hand is more unnerving but the alternative is much worse, i.e., if
the tail were to be abandoned from his hand, you know, what can
happen? That is the end!!
Allah cursed that either all Islamists cannibalize themselves from
within and become extinct on their own or the entire world would
rise as one to quell Islam and its ideology once for all
completely, even if necessary, violently too, and teach a lesson
or two to the pretending sleepers of Islamic cult, Al Qaeda, CAIR
and the likes.
What will happen to the present inmates of Jannat? I don’t know.
Allah jane which mean Allah knows better.
And that was Allah’s Final Solution, yes, yes, Final Solution!
You know what I mean!!
For the first time Allah regretted for allowing the creation of
Islamic cult 1400 years ago as well as continuation to this day.
At the same time, Allah felt extremely happy that the Internet
revolution had opened the eyes of many muslims to become apostates
or humanists and enlighten many non-muslims that Islam can never
be a religion of peace as made out to be so long, and still
believed so by many. The Internet can also help in educating
simultaneously the believers & the non-believers - about the true
contents of Quran, Hudith and Sunnah, about the absurdities or
contradictions or dangers or dark-deeds or idiosyncrasies or
inconsistencies or intolerances or rowdy-ism or terrorism in
Islamic cult. Thus uniting both of them will definitely go a long
way, helpful to wipe the ideology of Islam from out from this
world altogether like the FFI and Islam-watch.org now doing.