Articles, Comments

Sex and sexuality in Islam - Part 2

by Abul Kasem

[ Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 ]

Go ahead and enjoy a female body

In Islam, sex means the enjoyment of a female body. The notion that sex could be an exceedingly joyful experience for both male and female is sadly lacking in the Islamic concept of it. It is the man who is the actor and the decision maker in this matter and not both the partners. A woman does not actively take part or act in sexual copulation. She is merely a passive receiver of male action, simply an instrument for providing carnal pleasure to the man. At least, this is what I understood after doing a comprehensive research of the foundations of Islamic laws, that is Qur'an and ahadith.

The method of securing such sexual/physical pleasure, as per Islam, is very similar to a commercial/business transaction. In Islam, a woman has no right to get married on her own accord if she has a guardian. In all cases of marriage and sex she is treated merely as a sexual object, much like the provider of a service for which she must be paid some compensation. In Islamic parlance, this compensation for sexual service is known as mahr or dower. All Muslim men must agree to pay an amount of money before marrying a woman. This payment can be immediate or it can be deferred to a future date. Now you know what a mahr is.No Islamic marriage is valid without the agreement for a dower. In reality, however, this dower is nothing but the payment for the possession of a female body for sexual gratification by the male. It is a very blunt statement, I have made, you may think. To check the veracity of such a direct and outrageous statement, please open any Sha'ria book, such as reference 8. Here is an excerpt from this authentic Sha'ria (the divine law of Allah) book.

Ownership of a woman's body to do as he likes including beating

m5.4 (ref: 8, p.526) husbands rights

A husband possesses full right to enjoy his wife's person (A: from the top of her head to the bottoms of her feet, though anal intercourse (dis: p75.20) is absolutely unlawful) in what does not physically harm her.

He is entitled to take her with him when he travels. 

Let us also look into a book of Islamic jurisprudence that was used(during the British Raj in India) as a textbook for Hanafi laws at Inns of Law (London). It is the book, (reference 11) which even the Sha'ria lawyers consult regularly in the interpretation of Islamic laws. In page 44 of this book, it is written: 

Full dower is the payment for the delivery of woman's person, Booza, meaning Genitalia arvum Mulieris.

The wife entitled to her whole dower upon the consummation of the marriage or the death of the husband. If a person specify a dower of ten or more Dirms, and should afterwards consummate his marriage, or be removed by death, his wife, in either case, has a claim to the whole of the dower specified, because, by consummation, the delivery of the return for the dower, namely the Booza, or woman's person,^* is established, and therein is confirmed the right to the consideration, namely, the dower; and, on the other hand, by the decease of the husband the marriage is rendered complete by its completion, and consequently is so with respect to all its effects.

(^* Literally, Genitale arvum Mulieris)  

Yes, you read it correctly. The meaning of Genitalia arvum Mulieris is woman's vagina. The above few sentences clearly meant that a woman sells her vagina in return for the mahr. It is a commercial transaction. Make no mistake about it! Period. 

This is the real meaning of sex in Islam; that is, a man buys a woman's sex organ for enjoyment through the payment of mahr, which is the Islamic dower. Whether a woman really enjoys this kind of 'forced' sex is completely irrelevant in Islamic concept of sex. A man's orgasm becomes absolutely a necessity when a woman is contracted in marriage through the payment of Islamic mahr (or its deferment to a future date). 

If you thought that I am exaggerating too much and speaking 'out of context' then there is more surprise for you. In the same book it is written that the possession of object of contract is the actual coitus or enjoyment and the right to dower is not confirmed without enjoyment. Enjoyment of what?Please read the full text for the answer. 

Case of Khalwat-SAHEEH OR RETIREMENT. IF a man retire with his wife, and there be no legal or natural obstruction to the commission of the carnal act, and he afterwards divorce her, the whole dower in this case goes to her. Shafei maintains that she is here to receive no more than her half dower, because the husband cannot obtain possession of the object of the contract but by actual coition; and the right to the dower is not corroborated and confirmed without enjoyment. The argument of our doctors is, that the woman has completed her part of the contract, by delivering up her person, and by removing all obstructions, which is the extent of her ability; her right to the recompense is therefore confirmed and corroborated; in the same manner as in a case of sale, where, if the seller have offered delivery of the goods sold, and there be nothingto obstruct seisin on the part of the purchaser, and the latter neglect to make seisin he is considered as having made seisin, and the purchase is afterwards as a trust in the hands of the seller, and the whole of the price is obligatory upon the purchase (ref: 11, pp. 45-46)

It is rather interesting to note that, in the legal procedure to obtain sexual gratification by a man, a woman (a wife or a slave-girl or a captive woman) is merely a servant whose job is only to satisfy her husband sexually. What? This can never be true you might say. In Islam, we can only find the 'golden' treatment of women, you contend. Perish the thought. Here is what is written in the same Islamic law book as the actual legal status of a female sex partner in Islam. 

Woman is servant and the husband is the person served (ibid, p.47)

Case of marriage on a condition of service from the husband. ...............it is not lawful that a woman should be in a situation to exact the service of her husband who is a freeman, as this would amount to a reversal of their appointed stations, for one of the requisites of marriage is, that the woman be as a servant, and the man as the person served; but if the service of a husband to wife were to constitute her dower, it would follow that the husband is the servant and the wife as the served: and this being a violation of the requisites of marriage, is therefore illegal; but it is otherwise with the service stipulated to be performed by another free person, with that person's consent, as this offers no violence to the requisites of the contract; and so also in the case of service of a slave, because the service performed by a slave to his wife is, in fact, performed to his master, by whose consent it is that he undertakes it; and the same with the case of tending flocks, because this is a service of a permanent nature, and admitted to be performed for wives, and therefore, does not violate the requisites of marriage; for the service of the husband to his wife, as a dower, is prohibited only as it may be degrading to the former; but the tending of flocks is not a degrading office. 

That's right, folks! You got it correct. Sex in Islam is really a 'master and servant' relationship, a relationship to enjoy a female person that a man has bought with 'mahr.' 

If one still insists that the above Sha'ria rules are not reliable, then one must read the following ahadith that clearly show that a man must pay a woman to have sexual intercourse with her. Islamists often talk of the 'prostitution' and the sexual promiscuity in un-Islamic societies. I wonder what they have to say about the following hadith. Kindly note that in this hadith the reason for the payment of the dower money is clearly stated, without any confusion. Yes, a woman is paid for having sex with her. This is the Islamic rule. Full stop. 

Besides, please note how a woman is treated for sexual purposes.  

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2078:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: 

The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: The marriage of a woman who marries without the consent of her guardians is void. (He said these words) three times. If there is cohabitation, she gets her dower for the intercourse her husband has had. If there is a dispute, the sultan (man in authority) is the guardian of one who has none. 

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2044:

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas:

A man came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him), and said: My wife does not prevent the hand of a man who touches her. He said: Divorce her. He then said: I am afraid my inner self may covet her. He said: Then enjoy her. 

After going through those references, we can now have a clear notion on what sex means in Islam. The idea that sex is a supreme physical satisfaction for both male and female is absent in Islam.Sex is viewed only from a man's angle and it is actually considered as a service or a commodity. A man pays a woman to derive this service or to get benefit from the commodity (a woman's genitalis.) It is like a business contract, in which a woman delivers her vagina and her reproductive organs in exchange for a lump sum (mahr) and for the subsequent maintenance (nafaqah) of her sexual organs 

The holy Qur'an exhorts women to maintain their chastity at any cost and to stay at home at all times, unless it is an emergency. Did you ever think about the main reason/s for this 'home' imprisonment of women?If you ask any Islamist, he/she will, of course, give you many 'good' reasons, including prevention of rape, molestation, adultery and....blah, blah, blah.Please do ignore those explanations from the Islamic apologists. The real reason is actually sex. The women are asked to stay at home to provide sexual services to their men (either her husband, her master or her captor) at any time at his beck and call. Do you not believe this? Here is what the Islamic law says: 

The woman's stay at home is solely for sex (ref.11, p.54)

On the other hand the husband has no power to restrain his wife from going on a journey, or from going abroad, or visiting her friends, until such time as shall have discharged the whole of the Mihr Moajil, or prompt dower, because a husband's right to confine his wife at home is solely for the sake of securing to himself the enjoyment of her person, and his right to such enjoyment does not exist until after the payment of the return for it.  

Here are more surprises for the reader:  

The following is Muhammad's teaching, as given in the Traditions (see Mishkat, Arabic edition; Babu'n-Nikah):- (ref. 6, p.671) 

"When a man calls his wife, she must come, although she be at an oven." 

The greatest of all Islamic scholars, Imam Ghazali writes in his book Ihya Uloom al Din (ref. 7, p.235): 

"........She should prefer her husband before herself, and before all her relatives, she should keep herself clean at all times for her husband to enjoy her whenever he wishes........" 

This is the real meaning of sex in Islam; it is primarily concerned with the sexual satisfaction (read as male orgasm) of men. Women are simply sexual 'machines' that must always be in perfect running condition for its 'master' to ride on. The sensitivity of a woman and her desire and expectations have very little relevance in a 'world' where the only sexual pleasure that matters most is the orgasm of men! To me, this is also a great insult to all men. Men are simply portrayed as sex 'maniacs' who need to copulate every now and then! This, notion of male sexuality, of course, is utterly rubbish.The end result is always pregnancy and guess who suffers for the folly of Islamic men. 

What happens if a woman refuses to have sex with her husband when the husband has provided the maintenance? It may sound completely unbelievable, but the Islamic law actually permits a husband to apply force to have sex with her. Shall we call this rape a la Islamic style? 

Here is what HEDAYA (ref. 11, p. 141) writes:

One can enjoy a wife by force

But not if she be refractory.

If a wife be disobedient or refractory and go abroad without her husband's consent, she is not entitled to any support from him, until she return and make submission, because the rejection of the matrimonial restraint in this instance originates with her; but when she returns home, she is then subject to it, for which reason she again becomes entitled to her support as before. It is otherwise where a woman, residing in the house of her husband, refuses to admit him to the conjugal embrace, as she is entitled to maintenance, notwithstanding her opposition, because being then in his power, he may, if he please, enjoys her by force 

I shall end this section with a simple comment. A marriageable woman in Islam is simply an object of pleasure to a man (either husband or her master or her captor.) Islam totally disregards the sexual sensitivity of a woman; her wants, desires; preferences and passions. It is a man's world when it comes to sex in Islam. Men are created to enjoy sex and the women are simply the suppliers of this pleasure. We often find the Islamists vehemently criticising the unbridled freedom of women on sex matters in the secularist/western societies. To these Islamists, it is a completely rotten, decadent and filthy culture. What a double standard, preached by these Islamic apologists, come to think of it!I would like to hear from those Islamists as to what they have to say regarding those legal Islamic provisions quoted above..

Sex with pregnant women

What happens if someone marries a woman and finds her to be already pregnant? It is a very tricky situation, no doubt. In modern societies we hardly come across with this kind of practice. Maybe, during the time of Muhammad, it was not uncommon for the uncultured Beduin Arabs to come across with this situation. The idea of having sex with a pregnant woman is rather disturbing and most men will, perhaps, go for the dissolution of the marriage and will look for an amicable settlement. However, in Islam, the story is different; because the man has already paid (or agreed to pay) the price for the sexual organ of the woman, enjoying her sexually becomes absolutely halal (or a must) for him. What happens to the woman? The woman receives Islamic lashing for having sex outside marriage. Imagine the woman whom you have enjoyed just a while ago is being flogged; one- hundred lashes after the sexual act is over! What happens to the child? The child becomes your slave! This is Islamic justice, pure and simple. Here are two ahadith that deal with this bizarre case. 

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2126:

Narrated Basrah:

A man from the Ansar called Basrah said: I married a virgin woman in her veil. When I entered upon her, I found her pregnant. (I mentioned this to the Prophet). The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: She will get the dower, for you made her vagina lawful for you. The child will be your slave. When she has begotten (a child), flog her (according to the version of al-Hasan). The version of Ibn AbusSari has: You people, flog her, or said: inflict hard punishment on him. 

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2153:

Narrated Ruwayfi' ibn Thabit al-Ansari:

hould I tell you what I heard the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) say on the day of Hunayn: It is not lawful for a man who believes in Allah and the last day to water what another has sown with his water (meaning intercourse with women who are pregnant); it is not lawful for a man who believes in Allah and the Last Day to have intercourse with a captive woman till she is free from a menstrual course; and it is not lawful for a man who believes in Allah and the Last Day to sell spoil till it is divided.

How about having sex with menstruating women?

The following hadis tells about the time of Bibi Aisha when she was having her period and what Muhammad (pbuh) did during this time. 

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 1, Number 0270:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin:

Umarah ibn Ghurab said that his paternal aunt narrated to him that she asked Aisha: What if one of us menstruates and she and her husband have no bed except one? She replied: I relate to you what the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) had done.

One night he entered (upon me) while I was menstruating. He went to the place of his prayer, that is, to the place of prayer reserved (for this purpose) in his house. He did not return until I felt asleep heavily, and he felt pain from cold. And he said: Come near me. I said: I am menstruating. He said: Uncover your thighs. I, therefore, uncovered both of my thighs. Then he put his cheek and chest on my thighs and I lent upon he until he became warm and slept.

There can be many interpretations from the above story. To be fair, I see this hadis as telling a good side of Muhammad (pbuh) in the sense that he did not treat menstruation as a disease to a woman, but rather treated Aisha with utmost love and affection. This kind treatment of Muhammad (pbuh) to a menstruating, young and vivacious Aisah is definitely praiseworthy. I leave it to the readers to form his/her own opinion about the implication of this incident as reported by Ummul Mu'minin, Bibi Aisha.

Here is another hadis from Sahi Bukhari that tells us that Muhammad was very loving to his favourite wife, Aisha during her period. 

Mohammed used to embrace Aisha during her period...3.33.247 

Sahih Bukhari:Volume 3, Book 33, Number 247:

Narrated 'Aisha:

The Prophet used to embrace me during my menses. He also used to put his head out of the mosque while he was in Itikaf, and I would wash it during my menses.  

So, what is halal for a man when his woman is having her period? Here is the Islamic solution: 

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 1, Number 0212:

Narrated Abdullah ibn Sa'd al-Ansari:

Abdullah asked the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him): What is lawful for me to do with my wife when she is menstruating? He replied: What is above the waist-wrapper is lawful for you.

The narrator also mentioned (the lawfulness of) eating with a woman in menstruation, and he transmitted the tradition in full.

If one, accidentally, has sex with his menstruating wife (or a woman), then here too, are the divine solutions.

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2164:

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas:

If a man has sexual intercourse (with menstruating woman) during her bleeding, he should give one dinar as sadaqah, and if he does so when bleeding has stopped, he should give half a dinar as sadaqah.

If you have sexual intercourse with your wife while she is menstruating, then you must give one dinar or half a dinar in alms...1.0264

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 1, Number 0264:

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas:

The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said about a person who had intercourse with his wife while she was menstruating: He must give one dinar or half a dinar in alms.

Here are the recommendations of Sayyidina Ali and Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) for a woman having heavy flow during her period. Why do today's women need to consult a gynaecologist during their period problems when there is the handy solution from this in ahadith? Please do think about this Islamic answer for menstruation problems!

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 1, Number 0302:

Narrated Ali ibn AbuTalib:

The woman who has a prolonged flow of blood should wash herself every day when her menstrual period is over and take a woollen cloth greased with fat or oil (to tie over the private parts).

Sahih Muslim Book 3, Number 0647:

'A'isha reported: A woman asked the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) how to wash herself after menstruation. She mentioned that he taught her how to take bath and then told her to take a piece of cotton with musk and purify herself. She said: How should I purify myself with that? He (the Holy Prophet) said: Praise be to Allah, purify yourself with it, and covered his face, Sufyan b. 'Uyaina gave a demonstration by covering his face (as the Holy Prophet had done). 'A'isha reported: I dragged her to my side for I had understood what the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) intended and, therefore, said: Apply this cotton with musk to the trace of blood. Ibn 'Umar in his hadith (has mentioned the words of 'A'isha thus): Apply it to the marks of blood.

Sahih Muslim Book 3, Number 0658:

On the authority of 'A'isha: Umm Habiba asked the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) about the blood (which flows beyond the period of menstruation). 'A'isha said: I saw her wash-tub full of blood. The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: Remain away (from prayer) equal (to the length of time) that your menses prevented you. After this (after the period of usual courses) bathe yourself and offer prayer.

It is quite interesting to note that Muhammad (pbuh) encouraged his followers to have foreplay with their women before engaging in actual coition. He chided them for jumping flat on women like animals. We read from Ghazali's book some interesting recommendation of foreplay by Muhammad (ref.7. p.233):

'Let there be foreplay between them and before approaching each other they should begin by exchanging pleasant words and kisses. The Prophet said: "None of you should fall on top on his wife the way the animals fall on each other, but let there be between them a messenger." They asked: "What is this messenger, O Prophet of God?" He said: The kiss and the pleasant words." Then if he finishes first he should wait for his wife until she has also finished.' 

It is definitely good to learn that Muhammad (pbuh) did recommend 'Islamic' foreplay for a mutually satisfying sexual act.

Kissing and sucking during fasting

We also learn from Bibi Aisha that the Prophet used to kiss her and suck her tongue while he was fasting. How nice of him! Imagine a fifty-two years (at least) old man kissing and sucking a nine or ten years old girl! 

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 13, Number 2380:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin:

The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) used to kiss her and suck her tongue when he was fasting. 

Please do not fall into delusion that a young, married couple can engage in kissing and sucking while they are fasting. This kind of foreplay during fasting is applicable only for an old man, perhaps above fifty years. This is the Islamic rule.

Taste the honey and sweetness of intercourse

Hila marriage: boon for a professional sex maniac!

In Islam, once a husband divorces his wife irrevocably, or with three pronouncements of divorce, that woman becomes totally 'haram' for him.He cannotremarry her until she marries another man and the marriage is consummated and that temporary husband divorces her. Only after this second divorce takes place and the woman goes through her normal idda (3 periods), then only the former husband can re-marry her.Islamists often cite this as a deterrent for the husband to think carefully before divorcing his wife/s irrevocably. This is Hila marriage and is sanctioned in Qur'an in verse 2:230

002.230 So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably), He cannot, after that, re-marry her until after she has married another husband and He has divorced her. In that case there is no blame on either of them if they re-unite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah, which He makes plain to those who understand.

This absurd/bizarre system opens the door for a clever 'Casanova' to have unlimited sex for almost free. Once a woman has been divorced, there will not be many 'respectable' and 'good' men to marry her just for a brief period, only to divorce her after 'enjoying' her, to be re-married to her former husband. However, many sex maniacs will have a great time acting as professional bridegrooms and enjoying women for a short duration. This is a great Islamic way to have unlimited free sex (almost free, because the dower for such hapless women must be close to zilch) by uttering a few holy words. It is stated that in some Islamic paradises the divorce rate is high. Imagine what a great time these 'sex maniacs' will have sleeping virtually every night with different women?

Another strange matter is that, this temporary marriage is not just for namesake; the short-term husband must have sex with the woman for her to be halal to her former husband. This is the taste of sweetness of intercourse. Here are a few ahadith that are related to hila to entertain you.

Sunaan Abu Dawud:Book 12, Number 2302:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin:

The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) was asked about a man who divorced his wife three times, and she married another who entered upon her, but divorced her before having intercourse with her, whether she was lawful for the former husband. She said: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) replied: She is not lawful for the first (husband) until she tastes the honey of the other husband and he tastes her honey. 

Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3354:

'A'isha (Allah he pleased with her) reported:

There came the wife of Rifa'a to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and said: I was married to Rifa'a but he divorced me, making my divorce irrevocable. Afterwards I married Abd al-Rahman b. al-Zubair, but all he possesses is like the fringe of a garment (i. e. he is sexually weak). Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) smiled, and said: Do you wish to return to Rifa'a. (You) cannot (do it) until you have tasted his sweetness and he ('Abd al-Rahman) has tasted your sweetness. Abu Bakr was at that time near him (the Holy Prophet) and Khalid (b. Sa'id) was at the door waiting for the permission to be granted to him to enter), He (Khalid) said; Abu Bakr, do you hear what she is saying loudly in the presence of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him)? 

Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3357:

'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) was asked about a woman whom a man married and then divorced her, and then she married (another) person, and she was divorced before sexual intercourse with her, whether it was lawful for her first husband (to marry her in this state). He (the Holy Prophet) said: No, until he has tasted her sweetness.

Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.7.17:

Yahya related to me from Malik from al-Miswar ibn Rifaa al-Quradhi from az-Zubayr ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn az-Zubayr that Rifaa ibn Simwal divorced his wife, Tamima bint Wahb, in the time of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, three times. Then she married Abd ar-Rahman ibn az-Zubayr and he turned from her and could not consummate the marriage and so he parted from her. Rifaa wanted to marry her again and it was mentioned to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and he forbade him to marry her. He said, "She is not halal for you until she has tasted the sweetness of intercourse."

No washing after urination/sex

In a previous (part 1/6) section, we noted that ghusl (bath) is obligatory after every act of sex and urination. However, the following ahadith leaves you in complete confusion. Even the Prophet (pbuh) himself slept after having sex without going through the obligatory ritual of ghusl! 

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 1, Number 0042:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin:

The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) urinated and Umar was standing behind him with a jug of water. He said: What is this, Umar? He replied: Water for you to perform ablution with. He said: I have not been commanded to perform ablution every time I urinate. If I were to do so, it would become a sunnah.

Sunaan Abu Dawud: Book 1, Number 0228:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin:

The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) would sleep while he was sexually defiled without touching water. 

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Abul Kasem writes from Sydney, Australia.His e-mail address is - abul88@hotmail.com