How a skeptical and freedom-loving Muslim girl is torn between her love for a Hindu boy and her Islam/family with Dr. Ali Sina's advice.

Hello Ali sina,

I am Samara (name changed by Ali Sina) a medical student here in USA. I am writing this letter, as my last resort for my problems.

I am an immigrant, came here, with my family. My issue is, that I have fallen in love with a hindu guy, and me being born in a muslim family. I have always thought as a child that I would marry a muslim, but never thought that i would be totally in love with a hindu.

I am so torn apart between islam, family and my man.

I am totally against muslim rules and restrictions, and after reading your site, am completely a huge fan of you.

Sometimes I think about leaving Islam, but feel very guilty about it.

I love my family, and feel very pressurized by them, to marry a muslim man of their choice.
I am totally against arranged marriages.

Please help me out. What do I do?

Please reply me, as you are my last resort.

I would probably end my life without having my man with me :(

Thank you

Hi Samara,

Before I answer you, let me tell you, how they train elephants in Asia.

taming elephants

In Southeast Asia, methods for taming elephants have been developed and fine-tuned over thousands of years. When a wild elephant is caught (khedda), it is first tied up alongside several experienced working elephants (kumies) and dragged to a training ground.

This is the beginning of a bitter and cruel "breaking-in" program. This stage lasts for about one week and is meant to achieve the young wild elephant's total submission to the will of man.

How are wild elephants broken in?

The elephant, still wild, is tied to a wooden frame or between two tree trunks where he is unable to move. And it is thus, tearing at the ropes and flailing with his trunk, that he is introduced to his mahout. In order to break it in, the young elephant is repeatedly stuck with an elephant hook and beaten. At the same time, the mahout talks to him in a calming voice.

Fear, pain, thirst and hunger finally make the elephant give up all resistance. When the elephant begins to accept its fate, the mahouts allow it to take a bath in a river and to eat, although it continues to be tied to a working elephant throughout.

training elephants

After a few weeks, the young elephant will be tame enough to be led, still shackled and supervised by several mahouts, but no longer accompanied by working elephants. 
After this "initiation phase", the elephant starts its proper training to become a working elephant. (Source)

This is not unlike how Muslims are reduced into submission. Humans are born with free spirit. However, those who are unlucky enough to be born into Islamic families and those who are foolish enough to fall into the trap of Islam at a later age are reduced into submission in the same way that elephants are tamed. Their free spirit is broken in and they become submissive slaves.

Children and new Muslims are told about the fearsome hell of Allah, where humans are roasted 24/7, year round, until eternity. They will never die but burn and burn and boiling water is poured on them. The child is innocent and will believe anything his parents tell him trustingly, the foolish convert is also innocent, albeit in the pejorative sense of the word, and gobbles all this nonsense uncritically.

Once fear sets in the believer’s free spirit is broken. He will submit to any gobbledygook and fears questioning or doubting the nonsense that he is taught.

The elephant is strong enough to break his rope, toss away his mahout and walk away freely. But he won’t do it. Once his will is ‘broken in’, fear stops him from breaking away.

Muslims are smart enough to reject all the absurdities of Islam and set themselves free, but they won’t because of the fear of hell. Fear is more powerful than the desire to be free.

You live in America. You are a medical student, and of course you are an adult. There is nothing that can stop you from doing what is right for you. But you write to me asking my advice because of the fear and guilt. This fear is so tormenting that you even contemplate suicide rather that set yourself free.

There is nothing that stops you to do what you want. You are born free and unlike millions of unfortunate women who live in Islamic countries the laws protect your freedom. What torments you is only in your mind.

By leaving Islam you are not betraying your family, your culture or anyone. You are reclaiming your freedom. You are taking back your birthright. You are breaking the invisible chains that keep you shacked.

You love this Hindu man and he loves you. This is not a guarantee, but it is a necessary ingredient of a happy marriage. A happy marriage allows children to grow emotionally healthy.

An arranged marriage is like playing Russian roulette. It is a dangerous game. You never know what you will get into. But an arranged marriage with a Muslim is like playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. A Muslim is a different animal. When one is truly Muslim he also believes in the lies of Muhammad, like the lie of the verse 4:34 that says men are superior to women, and women are the custodians of their husband’s property, much like a good dog, and if a man fears that his wife may disobey him, he can admonish her, banish her and beat her. You don’t want a man with such distorted mind as your husband. A man who believes in this nonsense is a sick man.  Avoid him like a plague.

Would you buy a pair of shoes, a blouse or a hat without seeing them? Would you ever rent a house without looking inside it? How can then you marry someone without having any knowledge of his character? What if you are not compatible? What if there is no chemistry and attraction between you? Imagine going to bed every night and making love to a man you don’t love. Wouldn’t it be a torture? You will not be happy. Your children will not grow up in a home full of joy. They will be psychologically impaired. Why do you think most Muslims suffer from one form or another psychological disorder, such as depression, lack of self esteem, paranoia, megalomania, aggressiveness, etc? They are products of dysfunctional families. 99% of Muslim families are dysfunctional. Some more and some less. You can force a woman to marry a man she does not love, but can you force her to love him? A loveless home is a dysfunctional home.

Islam regards women as incubators for man’s children. She is not regarded as a full person. Her feelings don’t count or don’t exist. All that count, are her vagina and her womb, particularly if she gives birth to sons. Who cares whether she finds her husband attractive, whether she loves him, whether she enjoys his company.  A Muslim woman must not have feelings. Her feelings, just like her body belong to her husband. She must live to make her man happy.  Satisfy his belly and whatever is under it. Like a slave she must work, like a dog she must protect her husband’s property, like a donkey she can be beaten and like an inflatable sex doll she must be there ready at any time to satisfy his sexual needs.  Millions of women in Islamic countries have no choice, but you have. The only thing that is enchaining you is your fear.

There is not a day that I don’t receive an email from a woman with broken spirit who tells me how she fell into the trap of a Muslim man and the ordeals that ensued.  There are no happy endings to these marriages.

Your parents don’t own you. They have no right to decide with whom you should marry. They have a duty to you and you have a duty to them. Their duty is to provide for your body, mind and soul – nurture you physically, intellectually and emotionally until you become an adult. Your duty to them is to take care of them when they need you, love them and make their old age enjoyable. But they have no right to pick your husband. If they do, they are overstepping their boundaries, and violating your rights.

Avoid travelling with them out of the country. Never go back to your country of origin for any reason, even if your loving grandma is in her death bed, desperately calling your name. They could trap you there and force you to marry someone you don’t like. Finish your studies and get out of their home. If you can get out of their home now and live in the university campus do so. If this Hindu guy is the right man for you, marry him. If you fear your parents may do something silly, like honor kill you, move to another city and make sure they don’t find you.  If they suffer it is their problem. You should not feel guilty for their errors. They must realize that you are not their property. Their suffering is self-induced. They can unchain themselves from Islam and stop suffering. But you should not remain chained because they are unwilling and fearful to break theirs.

You are nobody’s property – not your parents’, not your husband’s, and not God’s. You are born free to live free.  Let only your conscience and the Golden Rule dictate your life.

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